Undisclosed Desires
by Snuff
Summary: snaps: "I think I did fall in love with him, maybe just a little too much, just the way he slept at 4 am or the way he simply smiled made me thrill with want and unbridled desire." "I was sure, that day, that we would be living life hand in hand. We would be illustrious humans." Rated T for future lemons and strong language.check it out&review!:3.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey,guys. So, I started rewriting all the chapters, the first seemed quite childish. Hope it's for the best. :}**

**Ohohoh, so, this one goes to the 'present time' of their relationship. For the new ones here, at some point I will start to alternate past with preset, it seems more interesting to me.**

**So those beginning chapters are present time, settling their relationship, as in T-ing the background for making sure you guys have no doubts and like this shit as much as I do. Lots of loooove.~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 1**

**-HPOV-**

As the train door opened, I felt the fresh breeze tickle my skin.I pushed back my blond curls and hopped out of the ,hadn't I missed the salty taste invading my tongue, the summer wind that seemed to take me higher.

My attention was caught by a woman in her early 30s who was eyeing me insistently. She had tanned skin, brightly green eyes and a questioning smile, while her black, long and ravishing hair was thrown over her shoulders.

I held my heavy suitcase with one hand as I ran to her, and I couldn't help but throw myself in her opened arms.

"Haley", I heard her easy voice call. "ANNIE!" I cried out, feeling tears ready to burst out.

She pulled out from my tight hug and smiled at me. "You've become so beautiful,Haley! " I smiled back as my lips thanked her.

I had never known what was the right way of actually accepting compliments. They always made me feel like I was being lied to, every now and then.

My heart was hanging over a question which I dared not ask but that was warming my whole being, from my tiptoes to the roots or my hair. I bit my lip and then whispered, loud enough for Annie to hear, though : "Where is Finn? "

I watched as intelligible emotions crossed her face. "Oh.", was the sound that escaped her lips immediately.

My whole being stung then, seeing in her oh-so-familiar-to-his eyes a mix of pity, understanding and even a tiny shame that made her cheeks redden.

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry. I'm not sure, he said he'd be here to greet you. Maybe he got caught into something", Annie said, trying to sound reassuringly.

I almost sank in myself as she said those words. Well, what could I have expected? I was sure he forgot. Why would the hear-throb Finnick Odair II remember someone like me? There was so many others. Prettier. Vixen starlets that felt so good to be.

I composed myself, feeling just how hard it was to smile and how much it could hurt.

"Oh, it's ok then.", I smiled at Annie as she led me in her car. "I'm sure there's something that caught him." Yeah. A chick with some nice gymnastic abilities.

Annie smiled at me somewhat apologetically and started the car. On our way, we chatted about random stuff which couldn't keep my mind busy enough not to wander where he was and if there was any possibility that he could have remembered.

No, it wasn't that which bothered me.

I knew he did remember.

But what I couldn't keep myself not to ask my inner goddess was whether he actually cared enough. Damn him.

When we arrived at the villa the Odairs had just across the beach, my heart skipped a beat and my eyes automatically started searching for him. I sighed, feeling crushed. He was nowhere to be found.

Annie helped me carry my luggages up to my room, then left me to "accommodate", as if I had never been there before!

I rushed to my bag and pulled out my headphones. I listened and sang along loudly to one of the few bands which could calm me down, which was Muse.

I did not know why I did that, it was like a slow tormentors pace, as me and him used to share those songs, it was what sticked us together. Undisclosed Desires, Starlight, Hysteria.. all of them represented phases which we went through in our.. bondage.

"I want to recognise your beauty is not just a mask .."

Suddenly, I gasped as my headphones were pulled roughly from my ears: I dropped my iPod and the song "Undisclosed Desires " resounded loudly, filling the whole room with its soft, vibrating sounds. I tried to turn around to see my attacker, but I was trapped in the firm grip his hands had around my waist:

He lent down and whispered seductively in my ear: "I want to exorcise the demons from your past, / I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires of your heart." In the mean time, his fingers travelled to my chest as he pulled at the satin of my blouse, causing me to shiver.

Then he turned me and pulled me to him. "You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine."

I gasped when his hands groped me and he started kissing and licking on my neck: "Mmmstop", I choked. He bit the lobe if my ear and breathed, amused : "What, sweetheart?"

"Stop!", I croaked, managing to pull away from him. Our eyes locked and I swallowed, not wanting to give in his deep gaze. He was even hotter than I remembered, with that intense gaze and his perfect features and his ravishing hair and the muscles that I could see through his T-shirt and ...

"Well, you did remember, didn't you, now.", he commented, amused. "Did we fuck on this one? Or not yet?"

My eyes drifted off to the V-line that his shirt formed, ostentatiously showing off his perfectly toned abs.

Stop, Haley, I commended myself.

He smirked. "What, sweetheart, see anything that you like?". I blushed furiously and looked away. He laughed and then sat on the bed, eyeing me up and down. "Looking good, Hal", he grinned:

I crossed my arms and refused to look at him. "Didn't you miss me, baby?", he teased. That asshole. Arse, how he liked me to call him. He knew just how much I had missed him.

I felt tears threatening to burst out. That's what I most hated about myself. When I got mar, I cried. When I got sad, I cried. When I was happy, I laughed uncontrollably like a total retard.

"Well, I know that YOU didn't miss ME!", I blurted out, feeling teas streaming down my face:

"Sweetheart?", he asked automatically, narrowing his eyes. He got up and threw his arms around me, gripping at my waist. He lent his cheek on my hair and kissed the top of my head softly. I was crying uncontrollably, nuzzled at his chest. He started shushing me and caressing my hair and my back. "Why would you say that?", he asked.

"BECAUSE IT'S TRUE !", I half-yelled. "And why would you have missed me", I continued, "when every night you had a chick spread her legs for you in your bed and when every morning you woke up to someone else?"

I stopped crying and glared at him.

"You think that's what happened ?", he sounded oh-so- angry. I had never thought I would see him narrowing his eyes at _me_ since that midnight that we spent on the beach drinking, kissing, laughing and singing. "You think I fucked random chicks every night and didn't even remember you? You think it's easy for me, having an insane mother - " "DON'T TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANNIE!", I interrupted him.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up.", he hissed at me, bringing his face only a few inches away from mine. "And having you, closing up and hiding shit away from me, crying your eyes out and shifting moods like you're fucking crazy .."

My eyes and heart stung. "Now I'm crazy to you too, my love?", I trembled. Finn paused, realizing what he had said.

"I, um, didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"It hurts.", I whispered.

"I know, God, I'm sorry."

I gulped and threw my arms around his abdomen, resting my forehead on the crook of his neck. His arms drew me closer in his warmth.

"I did miss you, you know.", he murmured. "I thought about you constantly, sweetheart, don't you pull this on me, I can't stand it without you."

"I missed you, so, so much, Finn!", I cried out.

He smiled and kissed my lips softly. The kiss tasted of salt tears, neglect and unbridled desire.

Maybe our love was a poisoned wine, as we've been told, but I couldn't help but drink from the cup.

**End of first chapter. Is it up to any good? xx ~snuff.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hihi, chapter two. Gee, it's gonna take some time to rewrite.:)) ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 2**

** -HPOV-**

I broke away from his kiss.

"Fuck.", he said, looking at me.

"Wha..?"

And then he crushed me in the wall which was behind me and started kissing me fiercely. I whimpered in his mouth as his hands brought me closer to him and when his fingers unbuttoned my jeans and squeezed.

"Finn-ick.", I gasped.

He bit my shoulder roughly as his hands moved to my breasts.

"FINNICK."

"Mhm.", he murmured, licking my collar bone.

"Stop it. We can't.", I managed to croak.

"Wanna bet?", he asked, raising his head to look at me with those sea green eyes that always finish me.

I shifted and managed to unpin myself from him. I thought he wouldn't have let me go, but he did. Finn chuckled.

"Haley, darling, this is against manners, now, isn't it?" Get a guy tuned on and just stop halfway like that. Tsk, tsk."

"We can't do it here, Finnick."

"Why? Scared mommy will find you?", he teased.

God, I hated his teases. They always made me feel like crap, but still, I could never response to them in the way I wanted, I could never snap and yell at him because .. because I was too scared to let him go. Too scared that if I'd yell at him, he'd get mad and leave me. I was such a coward towards him.

I knew I was a mess.

But what I had never actually known was what I meant to him. Probably just a toy he kills time with .It wouldn't surprise me, that's who he has always been. Troublemaker .The type of guy your mom warned you about. The type of guy that I'd fall for and give him my everything. And the thing is, he knew. He knew how hollow I was without him but how even more hollow I was with him, he made me so empty, but I was roughly pulled towards him.

He knew how I relied on him to light me up. He knew that I had been gone long ago before he had met me. He knew my family problems, how my mom would always yell at me and make me consider myself unworthy of everything, unworthy of even being tempted of achieving my goals. He knew how I was fucking wreck, a tumultuous sea of mistakes and rants. He knew how I couldn't exist without him because he was my definition of everything that I want to become.

He knew how I'd stand for myself in front of everyone, but how before him, I'd melt. He knew how with him I didn't hide anymore, I was just Haley, not Haley the Girl's on Fire daughter, not Haley the Victors' daughter, not Haley who always tried to be good and do everything perfectly, even if she was sick of doing it the right way.

He knew how I was what he had saved, what he had treasured. Also, he knew how much I could hate being called mommy's girl or being judged by the position my parents had.

And, finally, he was the one that discovered me, under all those tears, smiles and lies.

I could have, I should have, I would have…

"You know, Finn..", I started, trembling. "I've been trying so hard to be what you want. B-But I don't think I can be anything else than me. And I'm fucking sick of changing everything just to please you, you who are moody and ..and a such big fucking jerk.. you know.. you know very well what you do to me and you use it against me. Thanks so, so fucking much, Finn. You've been such a great help ."

I paused, waiting for his reaction, scared of what he'd say, of his anger.

"Done?", he asked.

I looked up at him. He had an amused look on his face.

"N-no. Also, you've bedded more women than I can count in two hours tops and you've haven't even cared of learning their names. You've humiliated and- and took but never give away anything of yours, you've learnt secrets and laughed at them nonchalantly as your own secrets held you down like anchors. And also you've been using your good looks to get what you want. And you always fucking get what you want. Even from me. It pisses me off.''

I paused again.

"Done now?" , he asked.

"No.", I said firmly. "And you love your mother so much that you make any other form of love look miserable. And I know that you're a wonderful person inside but you always hide it. And and and you're so nice to me sometimes that just remembering those moments when you smiled at me makes me love you even more."

I stopped and I didn't know which was louder, my heart beats or the constant crash of waves in rock.

I bit my lip and looked up at him. He was smiling softly.

He touched my cheek with his thumb. "You silly..", he muttered before kissing his way up to my ear. "You said love, Haley. Didn't you despise love?"

"Shit." , I said, resting my arms on his shoulders. "Well…maybe that night of July we spent in a cheap motel from God knows where changed my mind."

He chuckled and let his head on my lap. "You were so scared", he grinned.

"Was not !" , I riposted almost immediately.

He rolled his eyes and I started playing with his hair. "Yep, you were. And I had given you the ring which we bought with 3 dollars at the Lovers' Park. We had to kiss so they'd let us in, haha. I remember that with every thrust that fucking cheap ring would sparkle, dude. SPARKLE. It was like 'I know what you're doing and stop. ' ''

"Yeah, I'm sure it was such a big impediment to you.", I replied.

"Sweetheart, when are you going to learn that there is no impediment in me fucking the shit out of you?"

"Mhm.", I leant down to kiss him. His lips were always so soft and experienced. It was one of those kisses that made you come back for more.

He pulled away and stood up. "Let's go to the beach. ", he said and left the room.

I stumbled upon the stairs as I hurried myself to keep his pace. He already was far away in sight. I ran through the silky sand and stopped a few steps away from him. He was standing with his back turned at me, facing the sea. We were on the highest cliff that surrounded the water and my breathing was getting even faster than before.

"Hey.", I stated.

He didn't make any motion, he just stood there, his hair all ruffled by the soft summer breeze.

I stepped a little closer and wrapped my arms round his torso and rested my head on his back. I kissed his shoulders and I was trailing my way up to his cheek with kisses when he pulled away from me.

I gulped in pain, feeling rejected, feeling my cheeks blush furiously.

But he turned and gave me one of the smiles that were kept just for me.

"C'mon.", he said and then jumped.

I screamed and ran to the end of the cliff, my eyes madly searching for him. "Finn?" I yelled. He was nowhere to be seen. My heart was beating fast and I was so scared, thinking that I lost him, the only person that there was for me, and I hadn't even confessed to him. Hot tears streamed down my face as I continued searching for him.

Then his head popped out of the water and he grinned.

"C'mon, Haley!", he yelled.

"FINNICK ! You scared the **SHIT** OUT OF ME!", I screamed.

He just laughed and motioned for me to come in.

I felt the adrenaline rush pumping in my veins. Remember when I said how I did things differently for him? Well yeah. He was the breath of life for me.

So I closed my eyes, swallowed and whispered "Finn." and jumped in the bolt of waves.

**Reviews and alerts make my day! :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. :} I can't believe this story is actually catching response, I'm so damn happy. Thanks for all the reviews and love guys, I'm forever grateful to you. Sooo chapter 3. xx~snuff**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 3**

** -HPOV-**

I crashed in the water roughly, holding back the yell that was lunging in the back of my throat. I deepened in the water's coldness and I shut my eyes, as they stung. I tried to fight the waves that were holding me down and I tried to push myself up, but it was too hard for my body, I was drowning with every try that I attempted to throw myself at the surface.

Just when I opened my mouth and inhaled the cold-blooded water, I felt a strong hand wrap around my waist and push me up. It was so harsh I whined and tried to fight it, but I was so weak I let myself melt in that embrace.

I was roughly pulled out and I inhaled greedily the fresh air.

Finn was glaring at me. "You scared the fuck out of me, Haley."

"I'm sorry", I mumbled.

"Oh, God.", he said, and wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.

As my breathing steadied, I put my arms around his neck and rose, trying to reach his lips. He smiled and lent down for a big kiss. Our lips crashed into each other and I gasped, letting him touch my most intimate parts. I moaned in his mouth and wrapped my legs around his torso. He slipped his tongue in my mouth and his kisses were growing more and more intense for me to handle and his hands were sliding slowly from my waist lower, and lower..

I cried out and grasped his hair as I panted how good he made me feel. "Finnick", I moaned. He pulled away from me. "C'mon, let's go.", he smirked. He swam away, his arms crashing the waves. I mumbled and followed him.

As I swam, I thought that out of all the things that he made me do, or no, that I did 'by your own will, sweetheart', mhm, this wasn't by far the worst.

* * *

***flashback***

** [N/A in the future, there will be chs. dedicated completely to flashbacks, hope s'ok.]**

**Finn nonchalantly handed me his cigarette. I could see the smoke rising in large circles and vanishing in the thin air.**

**I shook my head and then said with a voice which was supposed to be firm, but the words came out trembling "No, thank you."**

**Finn brought the cigarette to his lips and blew smoke. I pursed my lips and continued walking silently next to Finn, while Lana Del Rey's voice boomed in my mind "****_Where the bad boys blow smoke just like they're James Dean."_**

"**Not smoking?", Finn asked.**

"**Neah.", I said, my cheeks starting to burn. I knew what was next. Persuasion.**

"**Ever tried?"**

"**Yup."**

"**And you didn't like it?"**

"**It's not like I didn't like. It's just I didn't love it nor hate it. Indifference, passivity, y'know. Same shit. "**

"**Mhm.", was Finn's answer.**

**I was admiring Finn's jaw line when he suddenly stopped.**

**"Sit.", he almost ordered me.**

**I pushed back my blond hair and obeyed. He sat next to me on the nearly cold sand. And smoked.**

**I looked in the horizon, at the limits of the blue skies.**

**"Come on", I heard Finn say, and then saw a cigarette being waved in front of my face. He was holding it almost elegantly with two fingers.**

**Somehow, if you stayed to think, smoking was beautiful. The smoke, rising from your lips and then poof, vanishing. Elegant. So was sex. Perhaps all the vices are beautiful.**

**Maybe that was why they were so attractive.**

**"What?" I asked Finn almost defensively.**

**"Smoke.", Finn laughed. God, his laughter was so sparkly AND manly in the same time. Why did he have to be so perfect?**

**"I've already said no, Finnick."**

**"Yeah, so? Smoke. One time. For me. Ow, come on, you're safe, nobody will see you. "**

**"But..I don't want to."**

**"Why?"**

**"I-I just don't want to."**

**"One time."**

**I could feel his smoldering eyes pierce through me as I took the cigarette. I looked at the sky as I brought it to my lips.**

**I handed him back the cigarette.**

**"That's it? You're don?", he asked in a somehow mocking tone.**

**"Yeah. And you said one time."**

**"I did, didn't I?"**

**I nodded even if I knew he didn't want or need an answer.**

**"And you don't wanna do it again?"**

**"No."**

**"Liar."**

**I didn't know how to respond to that.**

**"Keep it. It's yours.", he said.**

**"I-I don't want it.", I hesitated. The smoke attracted me.**

**Finn smirked.**

***end of flashback***

* * *

I finally reached the sand and ran to Finn. "Well, isn't it against manners,", I started, "to get a girl turned on and then stop halfway there? Tsk, tsk, Finnick."

Finn chuckled. " Sorry, babe. But you know I never liked fucking in water. It's not really healthy. Plus, we were exposed to the world.", he grinned.

"What world?"

"Oh, you know. People. People sometimes pass, y'know."

"Haha." He was using against me exactly what I had said when he wanted to do it in on the beach, at the pier.

He grinned once again. "Shall we go, so I could finish my work?"

I smiled and hopped through the sand as we held hands until we reached the house.

"Who is last to arrive is on top.", I whispered in his ear and then sprinted on the stairs. Well, I wasn't such a runner, but I did have a good start, didn't I?

I slammed the door shut and I was one step to the bed when he came up from behind me and raised me in the air. His lips crushed into mine and my fingers got lost in his messy hair. I panted as he threw me on his bed.

In no time, he was on top of me, unbuttoning my shirt with his teeth. His hand slided just enough to see how wet I was and I could feel his grin. He rose and his lips started ravishing a spot behind my ear, causing my eyes to roll at the back of my head. I moaned and gripped onto him, and his fingers slipped inside me. I couldn't hold back and a loud moan escaped my lips, and he quickly covered them with his.

His tongue followed immediately and it was getting so hot I couldn't breathe.

"Finn...Finn, it's too hot", I muttered.

"Well, let's see what we can do about that." He got rid of my shirt and unclasped my bra, and his warm mouth welcomed my breasts as he continued fingerfucking me.

I was fucking chanting his name, his full name, loud and clear for anyone to hear. After I came, he stripped and evolved me in his warmth, once again chilling me, fulfilling me, thrilling me .

I gave myself to him completely.

**End of chapter 3. :v So this is a new one, I guess, with the cigarettes and stuff, nobody has ever mentioned them before, but I thought it was a good idea that Finn would be a 'bad' but needy influence on Haley. Hope you guys liked it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Aye,aye , guys. I hope this chapter isn't too.. too much to this story. I just want to accentuate Finn's mood swaps that Haley has to confront. As Helena Bonham Carter says in Fight Club: **

_**"You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship?"**_

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 4 **

**– HPOV.-**

I woke up with a gasp. The moon was sweating on our sheets and I gripped the blanket with my hand. I could hear and feel Finn's steady breathing .He had one arm wrapped around my waist. His muscles were tensed, but he looked like an innocent child, with his hair all ruffled – sex hair, more likely.

I gulped, feeling sore throat. I nuzzled back into his arms, curling up like a ball against his chest, resting my cheek on his pec, then closed my eyes.

I felt him stir beneath me and his hand started to lightly stroke my back. He knew I loved it.

I sighed softly and nuzzled closer. " What's wrong, baby?", he whispered. I prepared my tone surprised. "Nothing.", I croaked, "Why?".

''Bad dream again?"

I hesitated. " Yah." "What was it about?" I hesitated again. He'd think I was crazy. I swallowed."Can't remember.", I lied.

"Liar.", he scolded me softly.

I was grateful for the darkness as he couldn't see my eyes." Haley.", I heard him lifted my chin up with his finger."What's wrong?", he asked and I could feel his deep gaze pierce through my skin.

My cheeks burned as I said, a little too loud maybe:"You'll think I'm fucking crazy, so just drop it, Finn."

"What the hell, Haley?!", he sounded not only pissed off, but hurt. Oh, the power of unbridled vanity. I didn't answer, somewhat scared of facing him with my selfishness. I was the girl who kept it all to herself, as I felt that no one cared enough to give in small pieces of myself. Why couldn't he understand that? I was the one locked outside herself. I guess that was my comfort zone and I wasn't planning of getting out of it soon.

I sighed."I'm sorry.", I whispered. He sighed too.

"What's going on with you,baby girl?" he asked, frowning."I don't know", he kissed the top of my head:"Let's figure it out together." We clenched our fingers and stood silent for couple of moments. And I blurted:

" I dreamt a little girl. She had long, blond curls and she looked just like me when I was six years old. She was smiling and waving absently at me. I was scared a little bit, but I approached her. The closer I got, the more her smile faded. She looked like one of these China porcelain dolls, with blue ribbons tangled in her haird and perfect, round cheeks. I was a few inches near her when my forehead hit a glass. I realized I was inside of a glass bowl and I could see the world only through the glass, but in the same time, the world could see me.

People would pass by and point at me with long, creaky fingers, as if I was somewhat of an attraction from an amusemant park. A freak. And all this time, the little girl fixed me with her blue ice-cold eyes. She stepped closer, till her forehead was rested against the glass, right against mine. She put her hands up on the glass. They were bloody and a heavy chain was holding her hands down like anchors. Then she started hitting the glass with her chained hands, hitting and hitting, again and again. Her eyes were fixing me angrily and cold- I-I've never, ever seen so much hatred, Finn.", I croaked.

I swallowed and went on:

"She was hitting the glass so hard. I backed away a few steps. I understood she wanted to break it, and I wanted to run, but I just sit there paralysed, watching the little girl with venom eyes. She broke the glass with a loud crash and I started crying .When the glass broke, all the vices, the horrors of the world slided in and embraced me.

I felt my skin burn and my flesh decompose. My blood boiled, sticky and hot and all that was left of my body was a pile of dust, flesh and blood."

I was trembling and stammering. He tightened his grip around me and rested his chin on the back of my neck.

"It was just a dream, babe.", he whispered reassuringly in my ear.

"I know, but.."

"But?", he asked gently.

" I was an awkward child..I,um, I didn't like playing with the other kids, because I was scared my mum would love them more than she loved me. Once, she urged me to befriend a pretty girl, no idea who she was. And I was so firm in refusing that I worried her. When my brother, Nate, came along, it was hard for me, but I managed to figure it out, you know.._To get out of the bowl where if I stared long enough, the world would have stared right back at me. _I've never told anyone these ..", I blushed.

His fingers caressed my cheeks sweetly, probably feeling the drained tears. I smiled at his touch, but then said silently:"But I can't now. I can't manage to do it like this, on my own.."

"I'm here for you, remember? Through the good and the bad.", Finn said slowly.

God, how couldn't I have known? He had proved it so many times before.

" I know ... er...thanks, Finn. „

He didn't answer, but continued drawing circles on my back. I closed my eyes praying he would still be there in the morning, praying he wouldn't wash away in the night's cloak.

**Soo tadaa. I wrote this one before I started the story or before I even had any idea it would be a story, it was just a blurry flashback in my mind. Hope you liked it. :]**


	5. Chapter 5

**I just want to say that this story doesn't have an ending or a specific plot, I just get ideas by listening to music or watching films, reading. I just have fragments in my mind of their relationship and I develop them, so this story will probably have a lot of Haley's flashbacks and comparing their relationship from then to now. So here you go.**

**- Now that I am rewriting it, this chapter belongs to the past of their relationship, to the very beginnings of their 'bondange', if I can say so. So tadaaa,past.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 5**

** - HPOV.-**

* * *

_*flashback, more likely past time of their relationship, minus couple of weeks before they started 'it'*_

I checked one more time my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing a short little turquoise dress that made my blue eyes –which I got from my father- pop out. Red lipstick and blond curls which were long enough to reach my waist. Black jacket and black heels. Ok.

I swallowed and walked out of hall with loud "toc-toc"s.

I closed the door behind me, feeling my anxious heartbeats fasten. Finn had just invited me at the relative small but welcoming apartment he had in the centre. He had said he had "a few friends over" and he wanted me to come. I said "yes" almost too quick, which made him chuckle and me blush.

I was scared that I'd make a fool out of myself in front of him and his friends. That's what I was most scared of, humiliation. I gulped and hurried my pace. I stopped in front of his block and caught my breath.

In the lift, I arranged myself in front of the mirror. My heart was beating faster and faster and I trembled when the door opened at the fourth floor.

I knocked at his door and started playing nervously with my hair. A tall tanned boy opened it for me. "Hey", I said, "I'm Haley." I smiled radiantly at him.

The fair hair boy grinned at me "Hey, my name is what you'll be screaming in bed tonight. " Oh. Well . "And that is?", I asked. "Oliver, Oli for short. ", hersmirked at me. "Come on, beautiful, the party's over here."

He led me in Finn's flat which smelled strongly of alcohol and marijuana. I vaguely wondered if that was Finn's definition of "a few friends over". There were people everywhere, snuggled on the couch, behind the couch, on the floor, drinking, smoking, making out, and by the noises that came out of the closed rooms, fucking.

The fair haired boy –Oli- put his hand on my waist and guided me in the living room. As I took a step in, his hand slided slowly to my ass. I tried to slap his hand away and then I saw Finn. He was sitting on a big armchair with a blonde on his lap. She was wearing just a shirt which was unbuttoned and a painfully tiny thong. Finn had a lit up cigarette in his hand and he was looking at the blonde almost passive, whilst she was pushing back her hair and was doing him a lap dance. Her body was moving along with the music, pushing back and forth. She was obviously hot and she caught all the looks when she walked in a room. Also, she probably had a potato head. Meh.

Then Finn's head raised and our eyes locked. "Oh, Haley." he grinned. He pushed the blonde and she fell on the floor, legs spread. She rose with a whimper, her face brightly red, completely embarrassed. I could hear whispers in my back " Ha, and she said Finn was all hers. " "She deserves it. " "Who's that new one?"

The blonde was eyeing me venomously as Finn motioned for me to come closer. Oli's hand immediately let me go and he made his way to a redhead who was drinking from a bottle of Heineken. "I'm glad you could make it." , Finn said, never leaving my eyes. I smiled shyly. "You look beautiful."

"Sit with me. What do you want to drink?" I obeyed and was about to sit next to him on the lounge's arm, but he pulled me in his lap. I blushed as his hands wrapped around my waist. "I know this song.", I suddenly said. "Bring me the Horizon?"

"Myeah.I didn't think you listened to it."

"It's because of my face, isn't it?", I joked.

He laughed. "Yea, you have an innocent face. Haha. So what do you want to drink?" "I-I don't know, I-m not.." "He handed me a bottle of beer. I sighed and took it. "So what else do you listen to?", he asked, blowing smoke in my ear. "Well, mostly alternative rock. And everything that has beautiful lyrics. And that pisses off my mother."

He laughed hard. "Good one. I guess we listen to the same music. I'll tell you what, if you can say all the songs that are going to be played, I'm your slave and I'll do anything you'll ask me to. And if you don't, you'll be my slave and I'll have to punish you."

That thought sent shivers on my spine. "Deal.", I smirked. "If I guess only the band, does it count?" He considered it for a moment. "Hmm. We'll see."

"Arctic Monkeys- Suck It And See.". It came out as a statement. "Shit", he said. I sipped from the bottle of beer victoriously "Guns and Roses – Don't cry." "Kings of Leon- Sex on Fire." "Queen – Don't stop me now." "Bring me the Horizon- Fuck." "Bullet for my Valentine- Tears Don't Fall." "Slipknot – People=Shit." "Guns and Roses- Don't Cry." "The Pretty Reckless- Factory Girl" "Blur- Song 2". "Marilyn Manson – Mobscene." "Nirvana – Downer. " "Hole- Jennifer's Body" "Hollywood Undead- Christmas in Hollywood." "Foo Fighters- The Pretender. " "Kanye- Niggas in Paris." "The Word Alive – The Hounds of Anubis."

"Crap. I didn't even imagine you knew that one." , he laughed. I grinned "I have nice tastes, what can I say. "

"Umm, let me see.", I continued. "You Know You're Right- Nirvana". "Alborosie- Herbalist." "Offspring- Why Don't You get a Job." "Eric Clapton- Cocaine." "Placebo- Post Blue. " "Linkin Park –Leave Out All The Rest." "Red Hot Chili Peppers- By the Way." "Bring Me the Horizon – Alligator Blood. " "New York City – Emigrate. " "System of a Down- Hypnotize. " "Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun." "Shinedown – Her Name is Alice."

We were oblivious to anybody else, just us in our little music game bubble, drinking and teasing.

Then it was this song. "Shit.", I immediately said.

He grinned. "I was sure you didn't know this one."

That pissed me off. I had to know it. It was impossible. I pouted and tried to focus, but gave up after like 20 seconds. I had never heard that song before. It was beautiful. Amazingly beautiful. I really had never heard such a beautiful song before.

Instead of trying to guess, I rested my head on his shoulder and listened to the lyrics. "**Don't cry. We all make mistakes to time to time. Unfortunately, for me, being me was mine."**

It was so slow, so beautiful, the lyrics just blew me off.

"I don't know it. But it's so . so beautiful. What is it? It's perfect."

"I won.", he smirked.

"But what is it?"

"Lower than Atlantis. Another Sad Song."

"It's wow. Even the band name. Wow."

" I know. I'll give you their whole albums so you could listen to. I'm sure you'll love them."

That song became, later, our song. The special song we shared and which drew us together, and the fact that it wasn't well-known was just another pleasement for us .

Next there were couple of minutes of silence between us, filled with crashes of bottles and sex sounds and laughs and all that.

"I still won.", he grinned. "I want a kiss as my reward. "

"Mkay."

"Do you want to kiss me?"

I blushed and didn't answer. Yes.

"Answer me."

Yes.

"C'mon, Haley. "

Yes !

"But I have to warn you, if you say yes, I won't stop here. I'll want more and more and you might never be able to get rid of me. And I'll have to have you all for myself. Just for myself."

Yes !

"So what's the answer?"

YES.

He turned me so we were only inches apart. "Say it."

YES!

"Yes.", I blushed.

And then all I can remember from that night were his lips crushing on mine and his hands drawing me closer and closer, also the drunken laughs of the people that surrounded us.

I had never been so drunk before in my entire life. And not only of alcohol. But of him, of his scent, of his lips, of his delight, of his taste. Well, I had never done a lot of things before Finn.

_*end of flashback*_

* * *

_*present time*_

I smiled softly in the pillow as I watched him sleeping. He was holding me protectively in his arms and his cheek was rested on my neck. I breathed in his scent and shivered delightfully.

He was right. He wanted more and more of myself from that night and I couldn't do anything but give and please him.

And I've never made a better choice in my life.

**This chapter was so fun to write, the songs that Finn was listening to are my favorite songs. And btw, listen to **_**Lower than Atlantis- Another Sad Song .**_**It's very beautiful and the lyrics and fucking amazing. A friend gave it to me to listen to and I'm forever grateful to him, so listen to it and enjoy ! See you soon. :3**

**Oh, and sorry for all those 'directions', I just want to make sure it doesn't get too confusing.~snuff.**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hiya.**_

_**oh, and this event happened 'last year', I wanted to show how their relationship developed through the years and how this 'event' just made their relation stronger. So this comes as a 'past' one.**_

_**Anyhow:**_

**Chapter 6**

**Undisclosed Desires**

** [FPOV]**

***present time.***

I yawned lazily and turned to look at Haley. She was fast asleep, nuzzled against my chest. Her little hand was clenched in a fist and her breathing was low and steady. I noticed her hair was half hiding her right cheek and I shivered, remembering what was probably the most horrible moment in my life when I decided I had to give up alcohol.

I still couldn't come so much clean, but I definitely was better than I was last year, on every category; drug dependence or alcohol.

I tightened my wrap around her, as to protect her from the painful memories that were threatening to flood my mind. I buried my face in her hair, trying to hide in her scent from my shame.

***the previous year;**

**4.a.m in the morning. past time.***

**[HPOV]**

I heard the well known click of a key in hole that announced me that Finn was home.

God, finally. I had been worried sick. He disappeared at eight saying he had some "business" to do. Mhm. I knew that the 'business' included a club, his guys, strippers, drugs and tequila.

I tip tapped my way to the hall. "Finn?", I asked.

I saw him stumble, trying to untie his shoes. "Here, let me help you.", I said, approaching him. I put my hand on his shoulder but retreated it immediately when he hissed at me "I'm fine."

"Ok..", I whispered, uncertain. He smelled strongly of alcohol, which covered his dear to me scent of salt, sea and an over excessive use of cologne.

"Where have you been?", I asked.

He didn't answer, busy with taking off his coat. "Finn?", I called him.

"What?!", he snapped.

I gulped.

"I-I was just wondering where you've been, that's it.. I'm sorry if.. "

"Well, that's none of your frigging business, is it?", he cut me off. His tone was brutal and it scared me. I had never seen him like that before.

"I-I was.. You said I could ask .. "

"Did I?", he brought himself to me and had me pinned against the wall.

"Y-yeah.", I stammered.

He crashed his lips into mine and his hands slided up my thighs. "Stop", I pulled away from his suffocating kiss. "Finnick, you're drunk. I don't want to do it like this. Plus, who knows you'd been with this night.. " One of his hands squeezed my ass while the other one was cupping my right breast.

He kissed me one more time, his tongue sliding roughly in my mouth. I tried to fight it but he had me blocked. I brought my hand up desperately.

"Why, _sweetheart ?_" I really hated it when he mocked me like that, as he knew I loved it when he called me "sweetheart", that being his appellative for me even when we were just friends who teased each other. "It's not like we haven't fucked before. Why so unwilling? Because I screwed some random sluts tonight?"

"You're drunk", I repeated.

"Yeah, so? You'd spread your legs for me even if I was laying unconsciousness and scream my name.."

I pulled myself together and slapped him. This wasn't Finn.

"Come at me when you're sober.", I hissed.

I saw the anger that flashed his eyes but I wasn't prepared for what was next. As I had said, I had never seen him so drunk before.

His slap hit me right in my right cheek, causing me to lose my balance and fall. I was dizzy and I couldn't realize what was actually going on, but I bursted into tears, felt them streaming, hot and heavy on my bruised cheeks.

It was just like when I was younger, as a child, my mother would spill her anger on me and hit me thirstily and my father wouldn't even dare stand up for me. Before my brother, Nate, got old enough to get what was going on and stood up to _protect _me, his _older _sister, I would crawl into a corner, curl up like a ball and lose any connection with reality.

Numb.

And that was exactly what I did then. Crying and choking on my tears, I crawled away, stumbling, a miserable figure, curled up like a ball, brought my knees to my chest and hid my head and my burning cheek, and cried until I blacked out.

**[FPOV]**

I woke up in the bed with a terrible headache. I felt dizzy and puzzled and I couldn't remember anything from last night. Meh, probably just another drunken evening.

I stretched myself. "Sweetheart,", I started, "can you get me an aspirin, please? My head hurts like hell." I turned on the other side, expecting my beautiful Haley, but she wasn't there.

"..the fuck.." , I mumbled, getting out of bed. As I walked to the hall, I started getting flashbacks from the previous night. The bar .. beer .. the guys.. strippers.. drugs.. home.. Haley .. and –

Shit. Fuck. No. No. This wasn't happening. No, not me. I couldn't have. I wouldn't have. Even totally wasted, drunk as fuck, dying even, I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have hurt Haley. My sweet Haley, who never got mad at me, who always was there to love me. Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Impossible.

Did anyone even know how much it took me to find a girl like her? I couldn't fucking lose her.

No.

"Haley?" , I yelled, rushing through the apartment, searching for her. She couldn't have left .. could she?

I was freaking out, my fingers were clenched and I felt the need to punch something. I couldn't have lost her .

"Sweetheart?", I called again, my eyes desperately searching for Haley.

I cursed and let myself fall to the floor, sinking. And then I saw her .She was huddled in a corner, knees to her chest, sleeping covered in her long blond hair.

I rose and tiptoed to her ."Hey sweetheart.", I whispered, wrapping my arms around her. She was only wearing my white shirt and it was freezing. I picked her up and felt her arms wrap around body and her head nuzzle against the crook of my neck. She shivered and tightened her grip. "Finn ..?", she whispered softly.

"Yes, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. For everything. I'm so damn sorry." She didn't answer and it seemed difficult for her to focus. "For what?", she asked.

"For.. for everything. For doing this to you, God, I can't believe it, I swore to you that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you and now.. God, sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry."

She paused. "I don't get it.", she whispered again.

I didn't answer this time. I carried her to bed and wrapped the sheets around her. She nuzzled at my chest the moment I also climbed to bed.

Before her hair fell on her face, I caught a glimpse of her cheek. I couldn't be sure.. I brushed her hair from her face softly and immediately felt the need to punch myself repeatedly. Her right cheek was bruised, it had a red-purple color just under her eye and it looked horribly painful. It wasn't like in movies, the black color the girls had in their cheeks after they got into a fight. It looked horribly real, it even had freckles of red dots.

How could I have done this for her?

I tried to get out of bed to bring her some ice, but she reached for me and begged me with her eyes not to go. "Just a minute, baby, I'll go get some ice for you."

"I-I.."

"I'll explain to you later if you don't remember the kind of monster I am, I'm just so sorry."

"I remember.", she said.

My heart paused. It was like my whole world collapsed on me. She looked so calm.

I fell to my knees and felt tears come to my eyes. No. I never cried. I bit my knuckles in order to stop myself from crying. "I'm so fucking sorry, I-I.. I don't know what I can do to make it right .There probably isn't anything .I let you down. I'm so sorry. I'll take care of you if you let me.. but God, of course you won't. Look what I've done to you. I'm a monster, I can't believe it.. I swear I won't ever drink again, I swear.. I won't ever hurt you again, I can't believe I hurt you, I love you so, so much it hurts. I cannot lose you, I cannot.."

"Shh.", I felt her warm hands cradle my head. She kissed my forehead. "Come back to bed, Finn. It's ok, baby."

I looked up. "What? How can you say that? It's ok? No, it's not fucking ok. It's horrible. It's a big fat no. You cannot forgive me just like that..you.."

" .I get it. You were drunk. It's ok. It's ok."

"It isn't-"

"Yes, it is. You're wonderful. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, of course you won't lose me and I won't lose you. Not just because of that shit."

"That- that shit? HALEY. Haley. I hit you. I fucking hit you. Hate me, punch me, yell at me, do something ! Not just stand there, being as forgiving and as patient as ever, showing me how you're 1000 times better than me and how I don't deserve you. Don't. Just.."

"It's ok. Finn, stiop. I love you. You love me. It's ok. I don't care of that .I got used to it. My mom would do that to me when I was younger.."

"I know, but.. but NO. You cannot say you got used to it. You cannot get used to it. You're just so much . .Hate me."

"I can't, because I love you. I don't care that you hit me. It's honestly ok. Plus, it's no big deal, I have those bruises for sleeping on the floor probably. You didn't even hit me that hard, you were too drunk. It's ok, Finn. It's ok. "

"I hate myself."

"Don't. You're wonderful. I love you. "

"I don't deserve it. I can't."

"We accept the love that we think we desrve, don't we? Come on, Finn. I love you. You love me. It's ok. Let's be psychos together."

I looked at her and felt the love that I had in my heart for her grow drastically. I climbed up the bed and let my head in her lap and cried. I cried for the first time of my life without trying to hide it. I cried for her, I cried with her, I cried because of her.

All I could do was whisper through the flood of tears ifinte "I love you's", and receive hers with a joy that hit me hard like a glowing ecstasy.

"Finn, I love you. Maybe our love isn't perfect, but who cares? It's ours. I don't want the type of love that you see on tv, with perfect smiling couples that hold hands and never have fights. This, what we have here, it's perfect for me, I don't want anything else. I don't care and I love you. Do you understand this?"

I nodded softly, feeling more grateful that ever.

"I love you.", was all I could say and she smiled at me so brightly that I thought I would die of happiness right there.

**Sososo. End of chapter 6. I loved writing it, I hope you love it too. Whadya think?**

**Ohmaga. I have to explain myself. So I tried to edit this chapter on my phone and like fucking half of it was deleted so until now, for like 3 weeks it was incomplete. God, I was so pissed, I think this is my best chapter and ahhhhhgsgn but at least we have it noww :) ~snuff.**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, I'm hoping I can update very Saturday/ Sunday. I have some exams coming up and I get a lot of stress from school, but I can't abandon the story. I mean, even if I don't update, I'll still be writing it, so when I'll get to update, it'll be more chapters, I guess.**

**So here ya go: **

**[oh, and this chapter isn't a flashback. It's like to where the story is going. And a lemon -ed one. :D]**

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 7

- HPOV –

When I woke up, Finn was gently moving his hands up and down my back. I shut my eyes as immediately as I opened them. It felt too sweet and warm to wake up and face another rough day, even if Finn was there.

And, plus, I hadn't gotten much sleep. I knew we both had stirred and woken up from an hour to another one, and maybe he had been overwhelmed by memories just as I had been. Bittersweet, huh ?

It was our first night together since summer. I had to return to 12, as I was in my senior year. Also, Finn had to return to the Capitol. He was in the highest ranked Conservatory there and he was hoping to go all over the world to sing his song after he finished it .I wanted to also go to the FineartsCollege or the Classics' one, as they were known as the best. And, well, I wanted to escape home too.

My humble hopes were that I could be with him there, to get as much of him as I wanted, and then we could go take over the world together.

We had been apart too long than I could handle and I was willing to give up anything just so that the inevitable distance between the two of us would be shrunk.

"I know you're awake.", I felt his hot breath in my ear.

"Mmm.", I mumbled. "Just a little longer." He chuckled and kissed my forehead softly.

We stood like that in a deliciously sweet silence which was broken when he asked : "What are you thinking?"

"That I missed you. And this. And that Dostoievski and Lana del Rey aren't overrated as you say. "

He chuckled slowly and brushed the hair away from my face. "You missed this?", he asked, deepening his gaze and bringing our fingers together. He kissed my hand and started making his way up to my neck.

He stopped to look at me, his sweet eyes piercing through me, his sweet breath all over my face. "Open up.", he simply said, and I felt myself tingle with want and desire as I did what he said and opened my mouth.

His tongue took over my mouth and my senses. He was on top of me and what was next was deliciously unpretentious, relaxing and slow. With the dust of sleep in our eyes, our backs arched, and contented and effortless giggles, we gathered together and played, like I was his toy and him mine.

It was probably the best way to start the day with a tranquil, satisfied relish.

Afterwards, he smirked " Yes, yes they are."

"What?", I asked, puzzled.

"They are overrated.", he smirked and hopped out of the bed and disappeared in the bathroom, letting me admire his back muscles.

"No, they're not !", I yelled.

I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a total mess and I took my comb and I was trying to fix it, when Finn came back.

"What are you doing?", he asked, sitting behind me and placing his hands on my back.

"Combing. Or trying to. My hair looks like a fucking broom."

"Nah, it doesn't. Leave it like this. I like it better this way."

"Eh? Why?"

"Dunno. I just like it. It's sexier."

I sighed and let the comb fall out of my hand. Finn kissed my shoulder and went to the office, probably to compose something else for his band. I crossed my legs and placed my laptop in front of me. I was in a mood for _Skins. _

I figured out that I wanted to watch the first generation again so I played it since the beginning.

I heard the door open and close, but I didn't turn, I was too focused on Cassie and Effy. I felt the bed lift with under Finn's weight when he climbed the bed and I felt his hands grasp my waist and push down my panties.

"What are you doing?", I asked, alarmed.

"Mhm? I'm hungry."

"Well, good for you, I am watching skins."

"You watch, I eat."

I shivered and didn't make any motion to stop him as his head lent down between my legs and his lips ravished me.

His phone suddenly rang and he jumped off me and opened it. "Hey mom." I felt very uncomfortable, and I was not sure what to do, I wanted to close my legs at least, but his hand stopped me and he started drawing circles on my thigh.

I swallowed and waited for him to finish his call, shifting uncomfortably from time to time. "Ok. Talk to you later.", he concluded.

It took only a longing glace at one another in the dimly lit room before we were in each other's arms, ripping, tearing, clawing and grasping. We made love fiercely, without saying a word, and then I laid in his arms, crying and he held me closely, as I tried to match my heartbeat with his own.

**Ok, a short one. :3 **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys. This chapter feels a little different so I'm not quite sure if it is well-written or not. I hope you like it though. :3**

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 8

-HPOV-

"Coming or not?", I heard Finn's voice resound from the hall.

"Just a minute !" , I answered, my hands rushing to my dress. My fingers tried desperately to zip it, but I couldn't bring the zip up. And I couldn't even lock my necklace.

I was so fucking helpless.

I didn't want to ask for Finn's help, at least dressing should be a thing I could do by myself; I hated always having to have someone there to help me, I felt like a burden to everyone.

"What the hell is taking so long?", I heard him mutter. The door opened and all I could think of was "Shit."

He closed the door behind him and looked at me, waiting. I was childishly not wanting to tell him anything, but his burning eyes made me burst out: " I can't zip my dress. Or tie my necklace. Or do anything for the matter."

I paused. "It's annoying.", I continued, crossing my arms and pouting.

He chuckled and came up behind me. His hands followed the line of my short, little black dress and I heard the well-known "zzzt". Then he brushed my hair from my neck, took my necklace, which also was a gift from him, and tied it almost elegantly. Then he lent down and kissed my cheek, his hands resting over my shoulders.

"I'm such a burden, aren't I?", I asked, blushing and frowning."

"Of course not. ", Finn said. "You're cute." He touched my nose with his finger and said sweetly: "Silly.", and then kissed the top of my nose.

"C'mon.", he said, pulling away from me and lifting me up. When we reached the front door, he put me down and threw his arm around my waist. "You do want to come, right?", Finn asked, looking down at me questiongly as he locked the door.

"Yeah.", I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "I'm sure it will be fun." He threw me a skeptical look, but led me in the car.

Actually, going to that bitch's party was the last thing on my interminable list of to-do-things. I didn't get it how they were all friends with her. Well, the guys, because the girls were all hating on her but didn't complain, because this Marina Bitch could break them up with their lovely boyfriends. Probably she had slept with each one of them.

She undoubtley slept with Finn more than one time, considering she had never hesitated to constantly remind me. I didn't bring this up to Finn,, as I would have shown that it affected me. I couldn't care less of Finn's endless list of chicks he had had, as he couldn't remember, nor did he care of their names or of them.

But Marina.. he was still close to her, and so for the rest of the guys.

You see, Finn's close friend formed this group. Probably that kind of group the others despised but craved to be accepted in, to have the kind words and approving of the 'superiors'. The only stable 'members' were the guys, because "the girls" were their pass-by girlfriends, all of them fearing of the day when they would get bored of them.

Quite cliché, huh ?

Well, this Marina was looking at all of us as we were pretty much the shit on her shoes. She had even said that she didn't bother learning our names, because we were going to be passed on anyways.

But mine she knew, and she was using it only to mock me.

Hated her.

I brought myself out my teenage drama bubble crisis to talk to Finn.

"Um, Finn?", I hesitated.

"Sweetheart? ", he replied, taking his eyes off the road to smile at me. He was in a particularly nice, nice-to-me mood which made me blush with pleasure.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm."

"What…what exactly happened between you and Marina?", I looked out on the window when I asked.

"What do you mean?", he asked, letting out a soft, short laugh. "Why would you say that?"

"Just wondering", I mumbled. "Nevermind, I shouldn't have asked. "

"He looked at me, pursing his lips and thinking. "Well, we're good friends. We've had casual fucks, once or twice."

"Oh."

It bothered me. And the way he said it. I would have chilled out a little bit if he had said "I fucked her, once or twice." But he said "we". I knew I was overanalyzing it again as a jealous type of stupid girlfriend, but I couldn't help it.

We all have our moments… don't we?

Hated her anyways.

"Is there any problem?", he asked.

"No, I was just thinking." I smiled up to him.

"Mkay."

We soon arrived and I hopped out of the car. Finn put his arm around me and kissed my temple. We were soon welcomed by that bitch who raised to kiss Finn. I realized she was going for the lips, but he turned his head and the right time and it came out as an innocent kiss on the cheek.

Have I mentioned how much I hated her?

She smiled crookedly at me and I smiled back bitterly. "Hey, Haley." "Hey, Marina.", I said in the same mocking tone she used.

The rest were spread on couches, smoking, drinking and laughing ."Ohh, Finn. Maaa' maaaaan.", yelled Sam. "And the lovely Haley.", he continued, noticing me. "Come sit next to me and Jess."

Jess was a lovely blue-eyed red-head, with her cheeks filled by freckles. She kissed both my cheeks and hugged me tightly . She had been very nice to me ever since the beginning, when I would feel like a wreck all the time and always sniffing my nose, always holding back tears, she was there to hold me. If there was a person I was truly grateful for, it was Jess.

…and Finn.

Oli, Tom, Sam, Shane, Eric and Neil had been teasing me since they first met me, but I learnt to get used to it. I knew it was their way of being, but at first, I my thought flew to my beliefs that I was born to be that person who would never fit in, the "other woman", who wanted everything, but had nothing, who had no fixed personality.

"Haley, come a second here.", I heard Marina's squeaky voice. I nodded slowly and was guided by her in another dimly-lit room.

She sat down on a chair, crossed her legs and lit up a cigarette for herself. She looked at me with a soft smirk on her face.

"Haley", she stated.

"Yah, that's me."

"I think we should talk."

"Ok. What about?

"Finn."

"Oh, ok?"

"I think you don't deserve him."

"Ok."

"And I think I deserve him."

"Haha. I'm sure, Marina. Too bad he doesn't feel the same."

"He doesn't feel the same because he is pity dating you."

"I'm sure."

"Of course you're sure. It is true."

"Mhm."

"Wanna ask him?"

"Sure."

"Has he mentioned what great time we had before YOU came in?"

"No, but you sure as hell did."

"Then why wouldn't you just get the fucking point? You're getting in my way, rat. And do you know what I do with people who get in my way?"

"Amaze me, Miss Congeniality.

She smirked and slapped me. Before I could even whimper, she roughly pulled my hair and breathed in my face. Her breath was rotten and it was so hot, it felt I was suffocating there. "Now do you get my point? Don't mention this to Finn or anybody. I sure as fuck know some sweet little things about you, pumpkin, that you don't want you boyfriend to find out."

She let me go and I fell on the floor, biting my lip till the blood came out so I wouldn't cry in front of her.

"I'll tell them you've dropped something on your dress and you're fixing yourself. Make yourself look presentable.", she flashed me a smile and slammed the door shut behind her.

I gripped at my dress, feeling ready to yell. My nails were biting their way in my knuckles and my whole being stung, but I couldn't care less of any of that.

What did she know?

**Nanana. A little suspense, maybe? Was it good? I don't feel to well about it but I posted it anyways, because it's a major point in the story. :}**

**Marina's a bitch. ~snuff. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, guys. Again, I'm not sure of this chapter because it seems a little childlish, I like the end, at least. Anyhow, I hope you like it and check aut the last link in the author's note. :3**

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 9

-HPOV-

I couldn't breathe.

I was constantly trying to steady my breathing, but I just couldn't. It felt suffocating, not just her words or her slap, but the humiliation that I had felt and felt.

My greatest fear was humiliation. I simply was sick, disgusted by it. My cheeks burned and my body tingled with a sick anxiousity every time my thought flew at this simple word; _humiliation_.

And there I was, huddled in a corner, my knees to my chest, trying to block any memory of that previous tormentious humiliation. I hated getting flashbacks from things that I didn't want to remember.

I didn't understand. My mind was trying to make connections with what had happened and what Marina had said, but failed miserably.

She had threatened me, saying she knew things about me that I wouldn't want my "lovely boyfriend" to find out. Maybe she had just spilled this out of anger, but it didn't really sound like her.

Well, what could she possibly know? That I wasn't such " nice girl" – as they all mocked me – and that at fourteen I would cut myself in order to feel something, even if it was pulsing pain? Well, wow, nice girls just might as well have suicidal thoughts too.

They – but mostly Finn – couldn't blame me for not sharing that, right? People judged and nobody would have looked at me with the same eyes if they had known that.

I knew the words they would all whisper and spit in my face: "creepy", "weirdo", "emo", "freak", "lunatic", "troubled". Especially in such a perfect group as Finn's.

And it would have hurt. I'm very bad at dealing with pain. I could help the blessed if the blessed wasn't me.

Besides that, what was it to know about me? My life was far from exciting. Quite boring, actually. I preferred to talk about others' stories, to feed myself with their living. It was far more interesting.

I had to hang on tightly.

My head hurt, pounding fucking hard.

I choked on my tears and rose. My trembling hand tried to reach any stable thing which would help me stay straight.

I looked in the mirror and sighed. I looked horrible, my face and my eyes were all swollen. I didn't have any make up at me, so I texted Jess to bring me some.

When she came in, she gasped.

"What the hell happened, sweetie?"

"I fell."

"I'm not that stupid as I look, you know."

"Just help me a little bit, I don't want Finn to see me like this."

She sighed and took out her purse. She started fixing me and I whispered "Marina slapped me."

Jess looked at me slowly. "I know you don't believe me."

"Of course I believe you. She's moody like that and very possessive with Finn. And she doesn't hide the fact that she hates you."

"I hate her, too."

"Are you even capable of hate, Hal?", she chuckled.

"What do you mean?", I stiffened.

"You're way too sweet, Hals, no offence. It's not like you try to please everyone, it's just your afraid of everyone."

"Jess, I'm not afraid, they just stuck in my head and I'm getting those flashbacks … and the tears come easily and I once again break my promise of the day. It's like a constant battle between remembering and forgetting. I suck."

"You'll be ok. I'd kiss your cheek but I'd destroy my masterpiece. You look even more beautiful than before. See, see?", she asked, overexcited, handing me her mirror.

I looked just like before, even better. My heart skipped a beat thinking that Finn would like it.

"Thanks, Jess." I kissed her cheek softly.

She smiled at me.

"Wait. It'll be our secret, right?"

"The Marina thing?", she asked, raising an eyebrow. I nodded. "Pfft.", was her answer.

"Jess, please, I feel like I'm in a high school drama, but nothing will turn out fine. Just shut up for awhile, ok?"

"I don't get you.", she sighed. "But ok."

"Yayayay", I jumped and hugged her.

"Wait.", I continued. "Pinky promise?"

She sighed again. "Pinky promise."

We got out and I went over to Finn. "Hey.", I smiled shyly. "Hey.", he smiled back and kissed my temple, throwing his arm around me.

"What took you so long?"

"Eh, girly stuff."

"You know I don't like to be kept waiting."

"Of course, you're the great heart throb Finnick Odair. "

"Second."

"Second", I agreed.

"I'm getting bored. "

"Oh, no. If Finnick Odair SECOND gets bored, then the party's over and all the girls would be left hyperventilating and sobbing over his ass when he leaves."

"Except for the one I take home."

"Except for the one you take home.", I repeated.

"What if I say I'm taking you home?", he teased, bringing his eyes piercing through my every inch.

"Well, should I be taking my clothes now?"

"Not exactly, wait like 4 minutes."

"Ok. I chilled out."

He smirked and hopped out, pulling me after him, as he rushed to the car.

*later*

"What's wrong?", Finn breathed in my ear.

I didn't answer, but brought myself up so that our lips would meet.

He grounded his hips in mine again, and my moan was high. He started a pattern of licking and sucking on my neck, continuing his low and fulfilling thrusts, and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

"You know, finally I can say that we're making love, not fucking, and you aren't even enjoying it.", he scolded me with a chuckle, deepening his thrusts so he'd see my reaction.

I whimpered and my nails stuck in his back.

"At least say something.", he said, biting my shoulder.

I moaned again and shifted underneath him. "I'm fine."

I knew he didn't believe me, but, fortunately, he let me be and continued our reckless moves.

Afterwards, I laid my head on his chest and starting drawing circles on his pec.

He caressed my hair.

"Sweetheart?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah."

He was so patient. Why was he so patient? Why couldn't he just be the asshole he usually was? Why was he so nice to me? He was making it a lot harder. I bit my lip, knowing that if I'd start crying I would have to confess everything to him.

"Finn?", I said, nuzzling closer under his covers and in his warmth.

"Mhm."

"Thanks."

He just smiled and pulled me into him.

Finn was sleeping and I was playing with his hair, watching his innocent figure.

I think I fell in love with him, just a little too much, just the way he slept at 4 am or the way he smiled. And it was just so addicting and I grew too attached to him, knowing one day he'd get bored and leave. But I couldn't help it, because I saw him, the Finn he really was, not the one that was hiding behind all these endless list of women or jokes or teases. Just the way his eyes lit up made me smile.

Yes, I did fall in love with him. Just a little too much.

**So I'm super excited because my very talented friend drew this picture of Finn. I'm gonna put the link of instagram, I'm not sure if it works but it's worth to see. It's inspired out of one of the drawings from deviantart and it came out so well that it makes me cry with joy. So check it out : /p/VG5tY5x2Gw/**

**I so hope it works ! ~snuff.**


	10. Chapter 10

** Undisclosed Desires**

** Chapter 10**

** -HPOV-**

"My head hurts.", I whined. Finn was sitting next to me, smoking.

"Do you want me to give you a massage?"

I nodded weakly and he sat behind me, massaging my shoulders and drawing circles on my bare skin. I shivered and lent into him, sighing.

Suddenly, I remembered the previous interactions with Marina and gasped, feeling suffocated. I pulled away from him, trying to breathe.

"Sweetheart?"

My gasps for air were sacadated.

I felt the need to peel my skin away and start all over again.

"I think I should take a bath."

"Ok, baby."

He looked concerned but I raised, dizzy, trying to stay straight.

I creaked the bathroom door open and stepped in. I let the water flow in the tub and stripped. Naked, I rested my head on the ice cold wall and folded myself with coldness. It felt too hot and my head was pumping hard.

I closed my eyes and breathed in.

"Haley? What the hell?"

In no time, Finn made his way to me and brushed the hair from my face, lifting up my chin.

I realized I had been staying on the bathroom floor, curled, bare, against the tub, for the last quarter of hour. I tried to lift myself up, ending in Finn's arms. His arms closed around me and he softened.

"Let's take a bath, shall we?", he asked me gently. I nodded, coughing and shivering. The water overflooded the whole tub, but I got in and brought my knees to my chest.

Finn took off his clothes and joined me. He folded himself around me and rested his chin on my shoulder.

The warmth overwhelmed me. It felt deliciously sweet and I shivered delightfully in his embrace, leaning in him.

Our fingers clenched together and I felt his welcoming smile pressed against my shoulder in a kiss.

I smiled unconsciously and closed my eyes happily.

"So, what's going on?", I heard his voice wonder.

"Mhm.. Well, I was just a little put off."

"And why were you a little put off?"

"I don't know, I just was."

"What if I say I don't believe you?"

"What if I say I'm not like the others?", I joked easily.

"Foo Fighters won't save you from confessing, babe.", he smirked.

I giggled slightly and shrugged.

"I don't want to be so complicated.", I whispered slowly.

"Mhm, why not? I like you like this. It's more exciting and, plus, that's why I fell for you, I guess.", he smiled at me and kissed our brought together fingers.

"I love you, Finn.", I said, for the first time sober, excluding my drunken confessions which amused him. He raised his eyebrows, but his tone wasn't surprised.

"I know.", he grinned. I laughed nervously.

"Usually it is said back, you know.", I pointed out.

"Sweetie, I think I've said it back more times than you can remember."

I blushed.

"Finn.."

"Ask, me Hal."

"I… Well.."

"Ask me, Hal.", he repeated, his tone steady and trusting.

"I-I sometimes feel like you've said all those to the others before too and I'm the stupid one that fell for it completely.", I said, looking down and obviously ashamed.

He chuckled.

Immediately, as a chain reaction, I felt crushed. Like he laughed at my feelings, like it was obvious that he didn't feel anything for me, that he was just faking it to get what he wanted, as always. My cheeks flushed and I looked away, hiding my face.

And then he pulled me into him and buried his face in my golden locks. "Do you know how much it took me to find a girl like you?", he murmured against my neck.

"Mhm, you're lovely.", he said, placing a sloppy kiss on the back of my neck. "So serene, so untouched. I used to want you so fucking much. I just wanted to bury myself in your hair, it smelled so beautiful. And feel you, all over me. Oh, God."

He pulled me closer and started kissing my every inch. Suddenly, he stopped and looked straight in my eyes.

"You are thinking of all the other women I've had, aren't you?"

I didn't answer, I just gulped.

"Well. Do you know what they all are?"

My eyes widened and my heart beats got faster.

"A distraction. I've seen my mother deal with all this shit, this pain, from losing my father. She got even crazier than before. Seeing her, I knew I couldn't deal with the loss. I couldn't deal with loving someone so much and then losing that person forever, living every day with the constant reminder that everything is gone. I couldn't. So I kept myself busy. What woman would actually completely fall in love with a senseless player? "

"Me.", I smiled.

"You.", he smiled back and our lips met. It was the most fulfilling kiss we'ver ever had.

**Nanana, I hope you've all liked it, I enjoyed writing it at least. :3 ~snuff.**


	11. Chapter 11

** Undisclosed Desires**

** Chapter 11**

** -HPOV-**

After I dried my hair, I walked in Finn's –ours?- bedroom. He was laying on his back, bare chested, arms under his head. He yawned and looked at me lazily.

"Do you want to eat ice cream, cuddle under the covers and watch some shitty cheesy movie?", he asked, grinning and propping himself up on his elbows.

I smiled and jumped in bed, placing my hands on his chest. "It sure sounds like fun.", I said, leaning in for a big kiss.

"Mhm.", I tried tot say in his lips. "Mhmm- wait." I pulled away.

"I have an idea.", I then said, grinning happily.

"Oh, no. Haley's ideas.", he chuckled softly, placing his hands on my waist.

"Haley's ides.", I agreed., giggling lightly. "I want youuuu.."

"You want meeeeee…", he continued, in the same playful tone that I had used.

"Tooooo.."

"Toooo…"

"To treat me like..like one of your whores.", I concluded, laughing.

Surprised but amused, he raised his eyebrows questiongly.

"Was that a joke?", he laughed slowly, closing his eyes after , looking at me slightly caring and protectively.

"Mmmno.", I laughed again, determined to maintain my playful tone.

"Then, I don't get it.", he said with a half smile, opening his eyes.

"Well,", I started," everytime I ask you, you just laugh or give me some vague answers. And I want to know how, just treat me like one of them. It's – it's different. Pleaaaseeeeeeeeee."

Finn seemed amused.

"So you want me to treat you like the other chicks whose name I don't and can't recall?"

I opened my mouth to say something but he stopped me, placing a finger on my lips. "And who would do _anything_ to be in your place?"

My lips answered a soft 'yes' against his finger.

"Why?"

"I just do. It's interesting. Or exciting. Dunno."

"You just do?", his tone was mocking, but I ignored the allusion and nodded.

He looked at me easily and then dismissed me. "Anyhow, you wouldn't make it."

Puzzled, I bit my lip nervously. He ran a hand through his sandy hair, throwing me a provocative look.

I already was startled.

"I wouldn't make it out of _what?_"

"You'd feel hurt and your pretty eyes will shed some tears.", he said steadily, caressing my leg.

Then he dismissed the subject, pulling me into him . "Mmm..why is your hair so soft..and so long..and so welcoming?", he murmured against my golden locks, burying his face in my hair.

"I don't get it.", I protested, rejecting his warm hands.

He rested his head on the pillows that were next to him, looking into my eyes.

"I don't treat my 'whores' gently, Haley."

"I know."

"Then what's the point of all of this? You cry even when I unwillingly snap at you."

"I-"

I gulped. Finn was right.

I looked down and started playing with my hair, avoiding his gaze.

I felt stupid, helpless. I felt like I was being seen as a vulnerable bitch who couldn't live without her boyfriend. And I was not like that. I was strong, I knew I was, I knew what I had been through, just.. things people say stucked in my head and I incriminated myself with their words of anger. And crying… I couldn't help it, I couldn't help myself. I just busted into tears instantly, I couldn't hold onto it.

And it was not a sign of weakness, nor of suffering. It was just..

Images of Marina flooded my mind and I realized I would be in tears in no time.

Shit.

Finn's arms closed around me and I abandoned myself completely in the protection that his warmth offered me, letting out a slightly sigh.

"Maybe tomorrow.", he whispered in my ear, sending me shivers down my spine. "Today I feel romantic."

I laughed giddily and kissed him.

Shifting moods. That's how I was.

"Let's play a game.", I said suddenly, completely excited and happy.

"Let's.", he smiled.

"So, let's kiss and –"

"I'm already liking it.", he smirked.

"Shht ! Let me finish !", I covered his mouth with my hand and chuckled. I felt his tongue massaging my fingers.

"So let's kiss without touching each other. Just lips."

"Tongue?"

"FINN. "

He laughed out loud.

"So. The first one who makes a move loses and the winner can do anything with the other."

He smirked once again. "Sounds fair."

His lips crashed into mine and overtook my senses. I hardly tried not to give in but almost every time I ended with my hands all curled up in his hair, pulling him closer, with myself propped against him …

"It's just too easy.", he chuckled when our lips parted.

I pouted.

"You're cheating."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not and you know it."

His lips found mine again and I heard him whisper "Look, Haley, I'm letting you win this time."

One of his hands cupped my right breast and the other one groped my ass. I pulled away and giggled victoriously. "Now you have to do what I want you to do."

"Oh, no. I'm scared.", he teased.

"I started rocking back and forth, thinking. "You always do that when you're nervous.", Finn noticed.

"Let me think !", I whined.

I swallowed and rested my head on his pec. "I just want you to hold me in your arms really tightly."

**-FPOV-**

"I just want you to hold me in your arms really tightly."

I looked at her, slightly speechless. I certainly wasn't expecting that. It was so touching I couldn't help but smile.

I closed my arms around her and drew her closer. I certainly could get used to this. I never had had any affection before. Just..just casual fuck.

So..that's how it felt to care? It felt…nice.

I inhaled her sweet scent. She probably wouldn't ever know how much it had taken me to find a girl like her .How scared I was that I might end up like my mother, crazy with guilt, mad with loss.

I was scared of losing pieces of myself that could not exist without her, and those pieces came back only with her, only for her. I gulped, realizing the delay of – of whatever this was. Love? I didn't know how love was supposed to feel like. I used to be a darkened creature, I guess, who existed for no one and none existed for him. I was not scared, nor was I brave.

I closed my eyes, vanishing my darkened thought, grateful for her warmth.

**My chapters are getting a little shorter, but I hope it's ok with you. I mean, I think it's enough said. Or not .. anyways. : )) ~snuff.**


	12. Chapter 12

**hey, guys, I'm sorry I haven't updated last week, I've had some work to do. So here it is.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

Chapter 12

-HPOV-

"You know, Finn. Sometimes I wanted to cut my hair short, in order to – I don't know, to feel something, I guess, make a change? My life was so boring, so..normal. I don't know. I jus t wanted it all to end. I felt numb. Sometimes I would spend hours just staring at a fucking wall. I could feel myself shutting down, going blank. I was numb and expressionless and I was satisfied that people saw me like that.

I would have been glad if I felt something .Anger. I would have been glad if my anger choked me, knocking the lungs out of my chest, stabbing my heart with each thump.

I would have squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop all that hurt, even though it would have still been there.

But that didn't happen.

Because I was numb."

"Why were you numb?", he breathed in my ear. We were embraced in the dead of night, I guess it was our favorite time of rambling, ranting, confessing. Night offered protection and a silent vow which assured that our secrets wouldn't be shared.

"I don't know. Probably it was all too much for me. Hatred … Mean people… God, I sound like a kid." I laughed slowly, but he didn't join me.

"You sound frail.", he corrected me. He pushed the lock of my hair that was blocking his view of my exposed cheek.

"You are frail.", he murmured.

"I'm weak."

"No. Just frail."

"Does it make any difference?"

"Of course, silly. Frail is not the same as weak."

I shrugged.

"Tease me.", Finn said, with a bitter sparkle in his eyes. I shyly blushed. That statement only was a tease itself, addressed to me. I sighed, knowing that probably the "Mean Finn" was up next.

"I don't think you're completely incompetent of doing at least that. At least when you stop blushing.", he laughed.

Sometimes I really hated him, I thought as I pulled away from him.

I hated his sweetness, his humour, his laughter which made me shriek, his joyful and oh-so-beautiful eyes, that hot way that he pulled back his hair. I hated his idiotic giggle and his pure mean teases. I hated how he was using his good looks to get anything that he wanted and I hated how he made me hate him but fall in love with him all over again.

I hated him so much that my heart beat for him.

"Oh, c'mon.", he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, but I tried to pull away and resist.

"Ow, c'mon.", Finn brought me closer and started kissing me.

"You're such a jerk.", I simply said.

"I know. But I didn't mean it like that."

"I'm sure."

I paused.

"You're a bitch.", I concluded.

This time, he laughed and rolled over his torso, letting me be. I wrapped the blanket around my bare frame. After awhile, it started slipping down my body and I frowned, but then realized that he was pulling at it. "Stop it, Finnick."

"Oh, no. My full name. Shit."

I rolled my eyes and turned my back away from him. "It's funny, " , he started, and all I could think of was 'shit'. "You always call me by my full name when you're mad at me-"

He continued by breathing the rest in my ear. "Fuck."

"So, that means-", his hands slipped under the smooth blanket, "that when you're mad at me, you're also turned on."

He smirked victoriously and I wanted to shoot myself. Or him. Nah, him.

"I'm going to cut off your balls one day.", I warned.

His laugh filled the whole room.

God, how in Earth could he laugh like that? It was so…so good. Hot. Why was everything at him so beautiful? I remembered a TV show where the presenter had said, on Finn's father : "Dangerous and lethal, but oh so beautiful."

I shivered and his laugh finally died down.

"You know what, Haley?"

I hesitated. "What.."

"I'm really getting annoyed with your attitude. I won't be touching you again 'till you ask me nicely."

"Tempting.", I commented. 'And what's the side effect of making a deal with the devil? "

He just smirked and pulled away. "I'm going to call you Faust. No. Fausta. Halfaust. Faustely."

He stopped when my pillow flew over his shoulder.

"Well, that was a bad throw, wasn't it?", he grinned.

I pouted and crossed my arms unwillingly. 'What are we watching?", Finn asked, spreading himself on the couch. "Besides your boobs, obviously."

Blushing, I quickly covered myself with the blanket and brought my knees to my chest.

"It feels nice on bare skin.", I murmured, wrapping myself tighter. I saw on the corner of my eye his soft, caring smile which he kept just for me., when I was being "silly" or "Frail".

I hid my blush and my smile in his pillow, breathing in his salty smell. It felt lonely in that big bed, but I wasn't going to step on my shallow pride and call him.

Finn was switching channels fast and dizzily. "God, Finn. Just put one of that shitty horror movies Sam rented and left here."

"Mhm. _Rented._", he commented, raising.

"Ok, stole.", I agreed.

"You bring popcorn and chips. And beer."

I raised too and threw in his white shirt. I expected him to kiss me or wrap his arms around me or pull at my hair or spank my ass as I walked past him, but he didn't.

I sighed. I did like it, even though I was never going to admit it. It was pretty much a sign or his affection, his playfulness and despite my protests or laughs or devy eyes, I was enjoying his warmth.

I came back with chips, junk food, his beer and coke. I let them on the floor, then climbed in bed.I threw him the packet of cigarettes that I had found on the armchair.

"Oh, thanks, sweetheart."

He took out his lighter and lit himself up a cigarette, resting his head on the pillow I had thrown. I wanted to go to him and run my hand through his messy but welcoming hair and lay my head on his bare chest that allowed me to admire his relaxed muscles from my position.

"What are we watching?", I asked.

"House of Wax.", he said in his usual mocking tone.

"That shit with Paris Hilton?"

He laughed and nodded. I arranged myself in my blanket and started eating chips.

"Do you want to watch Silent Hill better? He took it too."

"Nah. At Silent Hill I always need someone to hold me."

"And what do you take me for, scarecrow?"

"You said you wouldn't touch me.", I grinned.

"Unless you ask me to."

I shrugged.

..God, that film was such a big fat cliché. What happened to good movies, people? Now, Zero Dark Thirty. Or Last Tango In Paris. Not, THOSE are some good movies.

"Want some?", Finn asked, handing me his beer. I was about to shook my head but I took it, thinking he would have to come at me to get it back. I sipped slowly and let the can on the little table that was next to bed.

I heard him chuckle and realized that he was onto my plan.

"Want a smoke?", he was smirking. I swallowed and nodded. He rose and put the cigarette in my hand, his piercing eyes never leaving mine.

I sighed and gave it back to him. I guess I didn't need it, huh?

I was just…silly little Haley Mellark, the girl with a slightly strict mother and a polished father, the daughter of the 'Star Crossed Lovers', whose annoying younger brother lit up the atmosphere, while she stayed in a corner, wearing a pretty dress and smiling uncertainly, wishing, hoping, craving even, to pass unnoticed. The girl who blushed and smiled at everything and then cried at anything when no one was looking.

Hopeless.

-FPOV-

I plucked the cigarette in my mouth and brushed her chin briefly. I regarded with pleasure the blush that rose to her cheeks.

I used to have a goal of mine of cracking her chaste façade. I didn't know if it was better afterwards I passed through her resistance, but it sure felt good to know that she was mine and I was her first in everything, mine 'til the last bit of her, even her breaths were mine.

I rested my cheek next to hers, feeling the desperate need of seeing and having her naked, and her body, and her thought.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm sorry for the delay, but here it is! And it's a chapter just in Finn's pov. :3**

**~snuff. **

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 13

-FPOV-

She nuzzled sweetly at my chest, clenching her fingers in a little fist on my pec.

I kissed her hair and locked our fingers together. I started massaging her thumb with mine and she smiled, closing her eyes lazily.

It probably wasn't the best time, but I smiled too: "Sweetheart, do you have anything to tell me?"

She turned. "What do you mean?"

I kept my smile frozen on my features. "Just think if you have to tell me anything."

She bit her lip. "I don't think I have."

"Ok.", I said, kissing her cheek.

"Why would you ask me that?"

"It's just, we both agreed that we were always going to be honest with eac other, right?"

She hesitated. "Yes."

"Then?"

"Then what?"

I chuckled.

"Are you scared?", I asked.

"I'm screwed up."

I brushed her hair easily. "Why didn't you tell me?", I simply asked.

Our eyes locked and her bottom lip trembled nervously.

_It's funny, love isn't all poetry and flowers like all those songs want to make you think it is. It's sharp. It has claws. It hurts., _I think as she threw herself at my chest, all her thoughts finishing in her silent cry. I held her close, shushing and caressing her hair. "I was scared.", she finally admitted.

"What of?", I asked in a soft tone.

She tried to catch her breath.

"I am scared."

"What of, Hal?"

Haley regarded me with a shiver.

"You.", she whispered.

That sent cold shivers down my spine. "Why-why would you be scared of me?", I stammered.

"Not of you-you. I was scared of what you would say, of your anger, although I've never really seen you angry before or yell at me or something.

"God, Haley. I wouldn't have been mad at you. Why the hell would I?"

"I..I'm not sure we're still talking about the same thing anymore."

"Why,", I started sharply, "did Marina slap you some other time that I do no know of?"

She paused. "I actually didn't think we were talking about that."

"What did you think we were talking about that."

"What did you think we were talking about?", I asked skeptically.

"Weeell..I kinda broke the cassette recorder."

"Haley, why would I be – wait, you did what?"

".."

I rolled my eyes and folded myself around her. "Silly."

"How do you know about Marina?"

"Sam."

"And how did Sam know?"

"Jess."

"Bitch."

"At least she did the right thing. When were you going to tell me?"

"I don't think I was."

"Thought so."

"Finn, if you have any feelings for her it's ok because- "

"It's ok because I don't have any feelings for her.", I interrupted. "Really now, why would you think that? You know that I'm crazy about you."

"Actually. I don't."

"What do you mean, you don't?"|

"I don't know that you are crazy about me. I know I'm crazy about you."

I slightly opened my mouth, but then closed it back slowly. How could she say that? How could she be so..insecure?

"Silly sweetheart.", I whispered, caressing her cheek.

"See how gay you make me?", I then said with a sly smile.

Her eyes lit up as she laughed heartly. Her hands cupped my cheeks and she leant in my lips.

"Why did you make me fall over my head for you?", she murmured in my mouth.

I rolled her over when our kisses deepened and stuck my tongue in her throat. I cupped her breasts while my other hand slipped playfully between her legs. She was gasping and leaning into me the moment that I pulled away.

"Hal, you usually tell me anything, now what the hell is wrong?"

She bit her lip, but I stopped her. "Don't you fucking lie to me, you cannot lie, anyways."

"I can lie."

"No, you can't."

"I can."

"You can't."

"I can, Finnick. I just choose not to."

I sighed and felt her tesne.

"Haley, I'm fucking going insane, I feel like I don't get you at all."

"Maybe you don't get me at all."

I glared at her, narrowing my eyes. "Ok. You know what? Ok. It's totally ok. I'm getting the fuck out. I don't get you. Ok."

I walked out and slammed the door behind me and plucked a cigarette in my mouth, put on my black coat and slammed the front door, too.

I dialed Sam's number on my phone.

"Finn? What's up?", his voice was sleepy and I could faintly hear Jess in the background. I realized they had been probably sleeping, curled up one next to another, and easily wondered if I should feel guilty, bad or not. But then I passively thought of my problems with Haley and shook my head. "Wanna go out or somethin'?"

"Sure, F. Let me get ready. Do you want me to bring the others too? "

"Dunno. I'm not really in the mood for Oli and shit."

"You ok?"

"Myeah."

"Skybar?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there in 5."

"Ok."

When I reached the bar, the blonde waitress smiled with a little blush at me. I thought for a second and smiled back. Her blush deepened and she rectuantly approached me, brushing her hair.

"Welcome. Is there anything that you'd want?", her eyes sparkled joyfully at me and her voice resounded shyly.

"I don't know. Do you recommend me anything?", I touched the petite collar of her blouse, feeling the smooth satin imprint on my fingertips.

She lent down to where I was staying and brought her lips close to mine. "I may have couple of things to recommend you."

Her scent wasn't as sweet as Haley's, it was a shade of vulgarity that annoyed me, but it would do.

"Oh, really?", I smirked, also leaning in, slowly gripping her waist. "Mhm." I closed my eyes and opened my mouth easily.

I felt a though pain in my head. I turned and saw Sam, eyeing me skeptically.

"Hey, man.", I grinned and he hit the back of my head again.

"Two Skol-s.", he hissed coldly at the waitress who was straightly frozen, staring at both of us. She shakely nodded and walked off.

"What the fucking hell was that?", Sam almost barked, taking a sit in front of me.

I shrugged and took out my packet of cigarettes. I threw it on the table and left it there, recalling that Haley didn't like it when I smoked excessively too much. That brought a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Here.", the waitress brought our beers, looking at me almost hopefully. I ignored her and lifted my head to eye Sam.

"Me and Haley had a fight."

"Oh, so that definitely means that you have to go to the closest bar, flirt with an ordinary waitress, fuck her later and break Haley?", he asked, drinking.

"Don't put it like that."

"Then how do you want me to put it?"

"I don't know, but I didn't plan the waitress thing."

"But it happened."

I sighed loudly and leant into my chair." Fine, I'm sorry, ok? "

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

I gulped. "But nothing happened, I'd very much appreciate it if Haley wouldn't find out.."

"I won't tell her."

I started thanking him, but he stopped me: "I'm not doing it for you. For her. She's too tiny for it."

I felt the sense of guilt. "I know."

"And then?"

"I don't know, can't we just like get drunk and- "

" 'Tell each other all the things that we're too afraid to say sober.'

I paused.

"Dude, that sounded gay."

"It was a quote, dumbass."

"Still gay."

We laughed, but we both knew how tense the atmosphere still was.

" Y'know , I sometimes think that I care more for Haley than you do. "

"You know it isn't true."

I knew my tone started to sound possessive, because that was how I reacted towards her. I knew I had my moments when I acted like total shit with her, I also knew that my moments of sweetness confused her, but I couldn't bear, nor could I allow someone else to have her or at least talk about her, mention her in any way.

"Then, what are you doing here?", Sam asked.

I tried to say something, but no. He was right.

"Thanks, man."

I ran my way home, opened the door and ran to the bedroom.

Haley laid in bed, listening to music. Her eyes were puffy and she was writing something down in her ripped notebook that she didn't want me to see.

She looked up at me.

"Hey."

I didn't say anything, I leaned forward and laid my cheek against her neck and hissed the pulse behind her ear. My hand tangled fiercely with hers and I reminded myself to be as gentle as ever. I traced her lips with my thumb and then my mouth, felt her lips part beneath my own, and a stab of joy rocked me to the soles of my feet.

We slid against the wall to the ground, my cloak pillowing her head and her hands slipped through my hair as I folded my body awkwardly into hers. I kissed the hollow of her collar bone, my hands following her back's pliant arc around the soft curve of her breast, and something cought at my throat, something so alien it took me one moment to recognize it as happiness..

Her skin was warm and sweet.

**I'm again so sorry for the delay. here ya go ! ~snuff**

**Oh, and, God, I have to say it here, half of chapter 6 was deleted until likeee couple of minutes ago, I discovered it last night and I was so fucking pissed, as it is my favorite chapter. Well I have it now. But GOD :))**


	14. Chapter 14

**N/A: God, I am so trying to update once a week, but I just fail. . So, so sorry !**

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 14

We laid on the floor, limbs entwined, my body molatic, fit under his. We were both panting, wasted, him still inside of me.

I turned my head and tried to bury and hide my face in my hair, but his hand stopped me. "Don't hide.", his lips brushed my neck.

He pulled me up and leant against the bed and I stood in hi slap, stradling his waist.

His warm hands caressed my back and I closed my eyes, overcame by delight. We had never been so intimate before.

"I'm so sorry, Hal."

"It's ok.", I whispered.

"Stop saying it's ok.", he snapped.

My cheeks flushed and I looked away.

"It's not ok, then.", I said flatly.

He sighed and lifted my chin up with his finger. Our eyes locked and I leant in. He opened his mouth, expecting a kiss, but I firmly bit his lower lip. He let out an "Ah" that sent shivers down my spine. I sucked on his lip, feeling tingles runing down my body, under my stomache.

He tried to catch my lips between his, but I avoided and started kissing on his neck, running my tongue on his skin. I shifted away from him, kissing his pec, his abdomen and under, and under.., while his hands fell on my hair, gripping roughly.

* * *

He was looking at me, panting and gasping, his face flushed, his eyes tender.

"You didn't have to do that, Hal.", he muttered.

"Why? You always do it for me."

"Yeah, because I like it. I like making you feel good."

"And who said I didn't like making you feel good?"

He sighed.

"You feel uncomfortable."

"No, I don't.", I protested.

He opened his mouth to say something but I silenced him from even breathing by covering his mouth with my hand. I was straddling his waist again and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Look, Finn.. I've always wondered why you picked me. I thought if was a game at first, or I was a bet you were picked to play but you crept up upon me and were there for me and..and.. And –" I was stammering at that point and he gently took my hand off his mouth and cradled it in his own. He kissed it slowly, smiling at me lightly.

"Come here.", he murmured in his husky voice and I obeyed gratefully, rubbing my cheek along his chest.

"_One love, two mouths, one love, one house, no shirt, no blouse, just us._", I whispered in a low voice.

"Did you say anything, sweetheart?"

"No." I shook my head, with a soft smile imprinted on my lips. He buried his head in my neck.

"Love you.", I snuggled in his arms and he smiled against my hair.

"Love you too."

I blushed pleasantly and clenched our fingers together.

"You're so mine.", he chuckled I wish I could have protested, but I didn't make a sound, closing my eyes.

"Good night, Finn."

"Good night, sweetheart."

I vaguely wondered what was the word for Finn.

Boyfriend?

No, that was too juvenile for our relationship.

Lover?

No.. Such a pretentious word, like it was always being translated from French. The tints taint of illicit, illegimate affections. Dictionary meaning "a person having a love affair." Impermanent. Unfamiliar. Linked incontestably to sex.

I had never wanted a lover. I had never wanted a lover, although I had always wanted to love and be loved.

Then.. beau, companion, confident, suitor, partner, soulmate?

No.

I just wanted to be the one to love Finn and Finn the one to love me.

There wasn't any word for that.

I was Haley, and he was Finnick. No, he was Finn.

And he was my Finn and I was his sweetheart. For some reason, I could never call him, nicknamed him anything else but "Finn." His name said and meant everything; love, gratitude, teases, playfulness, beauty, sweetness, attractiveness, lethalness, asshole-ness, perfection..Finn.

So we laid in bed for the rest of the night, snuggled one in another, under his covers. It was cold and he kept me warm, played with my hair and drew circles on my back and kissed me, over, over, again and again.

* * *

I opened one eye, not wanting to wake up. I felt Finn shift beneath me and two familiar hands lightly stroke my back, resting on my hips for a few moments. Afterwards, they squeezed my buttocks hard, causing myself to let out a loud gasp.

"Mmm, well, hello there.", he purred.

"I am not awake. Go back to sleep.", I mumbled.

He threw his head back and laughed.

After a few moments, he said giddy: "Finn, y'know what? I'll listen to you. I'll go back to sleep."

"Well, that's a first." I mutter, a bit surprised.

"Yeah, well, since you're mine and we'll probably spend the rest of our lives together, I might make couple of compromises. And, you know, allow you some treats. That's how a master does."

"Oh, really? That's how a master does to what, to a pet?"

He laughed and nodded casually.

"Oh, and I'm a pet?"

He raised a finger, but I caught him off: "Your pet."

"Sex pet.", he said in his sexy tone.

I threw a pillow at him, but I couldn't help but burst into laughter, amused to my last inch. He caught me back in his arms and tightened his embrace around me and I nuzzled closer, kissing his pec.

"I could definitely get used to this.", I thought, rubbing my cheek along his chest with a little sigh.

**Ohh, I know it's quite short buut I'm in my spring break so I'll update faster and I promise, more times per week. Kisses xx ~snuff **


	15. Chapter 15

**hey guys. I'm not sure I'll have an exact plot in my mind. More likely a fluffs of their relationship, dunno, moments that kick in my head. J ~snuff.**

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 15

-FPOV-

I rushed and kicked through the mass of people. I had settled with Haley for her to be waiting for me _outside _the bar, but she was no where to be seen. I was already considering, amused, ways to "punish" her later on that night.

"Finn !", Sam yelled.

I turned around. "Hey.", I greeted. The others were quick enough to surround me.

"Shall we take a table?", Marina asked, arching her brow somehow whore-ish, smiling at me. She squeezed my arm, her red painted nails pushing down in my flesh.

I was too distraught to glare at her or give her a piece of my mind, rewarding her with what she truly reserved for daring to raise her hand at Haley.

"Yes.", I agreed, though. "Now that we got that through, where is- oh, _fuck._"

**_Mine._** The word pounded inside me with ferocity. Immediately, I felt the instant desire and need of taking her back to _our _home and remind her that she god damned belonged to me. Or if she wasn't aware, to enlighten her.

I pushed again through the mob that threatened to suck me in the row of tiring female – oh, what was the word? Cheetahs, I thought, amused. What a funny word, I tried to lighten a little bit up before punching that prick in the face.

I continued marching up to her and she only noticed me when I was steps away from her.

Our eyes locked.

"FINN!", Haley yelled, animated. She jumped in my arms and kissed my cheek. The prebuscent boy in that fucking black leather jacket that had had his hand all over her glared at me.

"I thought you were going to wait for me outside.", I scolded her, placing my arm around her shoulder leisurely.

"Well, I did, but then Ned pulled me in and – "

"Oh, Ned? ", I raised my eyebrow at her.

"That's me. And who are you?", the prick demanded.

Haley put her hand on my chest, as she probably felt myself "roar" inside. I smirked. "Her boyfriend, prick.", I hissed.

"And I'm her ex-boyfriend, idiot. Only've known her since kindergarden."

I widened my eyes in surprise. Best friend? Ex-boyfriend? What?

"He's kidding.", Haley laughed. "I've only known him for like half an hour.

"Yeah, whatever, babe."

My eyes narrowed. Nobody called my Haley "babe". "Come on, baby, let's go.", Haley whispered in my ear, clenching on my arm.

"But we were having such a great time, sweetheart.", that little shit continued.

Sweetheart?

That was it.

I grinned, feeling the alcohol running in my head. Still smiling, I clenched my fist and punched him roughly in his jaw. He backed down a little, but seem to tighten himself up for a little fight, too.

" Finnick !", Haley gasped. "Stop it, let's go- let's go for a walk or something."

I let her pull me outside and her breath was hitched. I felt all the others' looks pierce in the back of my head and the leather jacket prick simply stared, cowardly.

I chuckled darkly.

"You know, you really didn't have to do that.", Haley murmured.

"What does 'that' imply to you, exactly?", I asked.

"Throwing a scene."

I laughed and she sharply glared at me. "Go back to your boy-toy, then, baby. You know I don't like it when you do these. Especially knowing you bailed on me for this _Ned." _His name came out icy from my mouth.

"Finn, don't make such a big deal out of this. We were just talking, that was all."

"Yea, sure, with his hand on you ass."

"Because we were about to dance! And it wasn't my 'ass', it was my hips. He wanted me to dance and I said YES. And I don'[t think you're the one to talk with all these women buzzing hungrily around you, like you're a piece of meat. And you never ask me to dance!"

I stopped walking and raised her chin, forcing her to look at me. "Oh, you want to dance?"

"That wasn't the point."

"Fine, let's dance.", I hissed and gripped her waist, then spinned her, rather roughly. She yelped and slapped my hand away, but I was quick to wrap her up again, pressing her on my chest. She sighed and nuzzled softly.

"And I don't touch any of these 'women'. I have no interest in them. Not like you and boy-toy, on that note."

"Finnick, what interest did I have in him? He came to talk to me and I was being nice. Plus, it was cold outside, I would have probably gotten inside any way. I am really sorry I didn't wait for you, I know I should have and I know you would have waited for me, but.. Don't make a big deal out of this shit, please, Finn. And I really don't like you punching people around."

"I should say I'm sorry, but I'm not."

"I should say I'm sorry for you not being sorry, but I'm not."

I smirked and started walking again, pulling her with me gently.

"Where are we going?", she whispered.

"Why are you whispering? And you'll see."

"Because you intimidate me. So strong, possessive, handsome, well-dressed, charming…", she beamed.

I laughed.

"You're still getting you ass on fire for the little stunt you pulled earlier.", I pointed out.

"I know, Mr Odair, I was a bad girl and I need to be punished." She battled her eyelashes at me and then giggled lightly.

"You will be, don't worry, sweetie. Bad girl get punished and , Mrs. Mellark, you haven't been that much of a good girl, have you?"

"I have not, Mr. Odair. Will you… spank me?" She widened her eyes in a fake surprise and her little mouth formed a ridiculously adorable "O".

"If you insist, Mrs. Mellark.", I smirked.

"We aim to please, Mr. Odair, we aim to please."

We both laughed and I took her hand. I looked down curiously at our clenched fingers. My rough, large fingers fit perfectly between her little delicate ones.

Truth was, I had never held a girl's hand before her. Just fucked, selfishly.

Except my mother, of course, she always held my hand, even then, at eighteen years old, she would still come near me and take my hand warmly, and I could never refuse her, my darling loving mother.

I usually recalled with pleasure the memories I had with her, in my early years and fast childhood, that stable and oh so beautiful of her sane stability, in which she did not confuse me with Finnick, he dead long lost husband, but she knew I was Finnick, her scared son that did not and could not understand her sudden snaps out of reality.

Later on, I realized how strong she must have been, dealing with all this and fighting for me, protecting me with her fragile strength, raising me until I could stand for myself and her.

I remembered hiding from her and her screams, running from her vacant eyes and clutching the white sheets with my little power, hiding underneath the covers, in the middle of the night, scared of the only stable, real and loving thing of my life that was represented by my mother.

Oh, had I loved her. And still did. She was the seek of comfort and warmth that I received before Haley gave her whole sweet being to me, and even though it pained to see her disturbances, I loved her with all my heart.

My mother.

I made a mental note to settle a dinner with her and Haley. She adored Haley, I smiled to myself.

I sighed and Haley looked up at me. She raised and kissed my cheek.

"I lost you again.", she told me easily.

"I know, I'm sorry. And usually I am the one to tell you that.", I smiled.

"I know. Penny for your thoughts?"

"Later, when we're safe and tucked under my covers." I gently leant in to caress her cheek.

"You're sweet, you know.", she smiled and murmured.

"Of course. Slap a cherry on my head and call me ice-cream Sunday."

She laughed and I spinned her on the dark lonely streets that she lit up only by being there and laughing heartly at my stupid jokes.

"See, we are dancing.", I told her, bringing her up to my chest and then twirling her again.

She softly blushed. "I don't know why I said that earlier, I was out of arguments, I guess. I don't even know how to dance."

"Me neither.", I laughed and slowly pulled her in. We slow danced under the moonlight and I could not help but smile like the Idiot I was as I spinned her again and again, round and round, even though I knew she deserved a guy that was not colored in shades of fuck up, a loving and caring guy fit for her sweet being.

Oh, did I love her.

**Hope you liked it. ~snuff.**


	16. Chapter 16

**I didn't exactly know where Finn would go, so I said London, Oxford. I know it's a little OOC, and that bluff with the 'discovery' buuut.. and It's like my fav. city and I'd love to study there sooo sorry 3: **

**Think of it as "the new world" haha J) or just ignore it, it would be better J) anyhow:**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 16**

** -HPOV-**

His warmth and well built body against mine felt like a sweet assurance that cured my well-known doubts of safety. I was back to feeling vulnerable, but it didn't matter, because I was…protected. That was how I felt and was. _Protected._

The way he held me and the way he had his hand tucked underneath me completely enveloped myself in a safe embrace.

Closing my eyes, I focused on feeling his chest rise and fall. It calmed me.

I slowly turned around to face him. I admired his jaw line and his tightened muscles, his strong forearm that I found so arousing. I traced his toned muscles with my finger, drawing stars and memories on his chest.

I had never been intimate with a man before him. God, was he my first is so many things ! He made me discover and rediscover myself and all I could do was wonder "why me?". He could have all of them, any woman melted at his smile, so why an insecure, quite innocent girl that cried nights in a row and who could not give him merely anything?

Anything, but herself?..

I always tried to be a better me with him. I tried to open myself a bit more, to make it a little less easier for him to crawl in.

I tried not to blush and giggle at anything. I tried, I did. I tried to be confident. I couldn't help it. I tried to be what he deserved.

"Mmm, why aren't you sleeping?", his husky voice threw me back to reality.

I smiled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.", I murmured, retreating my hand.

"Mm, keep doing it. It felt nice."

I let out a giggle and continued drawing uniform shapes on his chest.

He slowly pulled me closer and kissed my hair. "Hey.", I smiled.

"Hey.", he also said, taking my hand that laid on his pec and kissing my knuckles.

I shivered, delighted.

"Are you cold?", he asked, even though I was quite sure he did know the reason of my sudden trembling.

"No, I'm fine. Your T-shirt's warm enough." He grinned at that. One thing I loved was sleeping in his large T-shirts. They still had his scent that always folded sweetlye around me.

"Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world.", I murmured.

"But I'll always remember you like a child, girl.", he smiled warmly.

I happily recalled that day of last summer, when he took his guitar and we took long strolls on parks and streets, kissing, laughing, playfully splashing each other with water from the park fountains and singing loudly "Wild World", him playing his guitar.

It felt like we were singing our love to the world.

I was sure, that day, that we, the both of us, would be living life hand in hand. We would be illustrious humans.

* * *

*later that evening*

"Finn?", I whispered, slowly creaking the office door open.

His head raised from his papers and laptop. "Wait a sec.", he muttered it the phone, as he had been on it when I entered.

"Hey, Haley.", he smiled.

"Do you need anything?", I asked shyly.

"No, it's ok, sweetheart."

"I wanted to bring you something while you were working, but I wasn't sure what you'd like."

His eyes warmed up. "Wine in the evening, but you don't need to, sweetie."

"I-I want to."

"Come here, sweetheart."

He opened his arms and looked at me expectantly. I tip-toed my way to him and he turned his chair to face me. I crawled into his lap and put my arms around his neck and cuddled into him. He put his arms around me, cupping the phone against his shoulder. I tucked my head beneath his chin and curled up smaller on his lap.

He kissed my hair.

"Go on.", he said in the phone.

He continued his conversation. He probably was talking to his manager, arranging a contract with this band. He didn't consider himself accomplished, but God, was he! He had his own band, was in the highest conservatory and was even going on his first tour concert. His voice was soft, lyrical, his lyrics were deeply touching, each single word seemed to fit perfectly in the harmonic ambiance. Plus, he fucking looked like Adonis.

How could this perfect being even look at me twice?

A constant wonder of mine was that if he wouldn't have been as fucked up as me, he wouldn't have fallen for me.

I trembled guiltily, because I was just so shamelessly glad of his fucked up-ness. He wouldn't have wanted me otherwise.

"Ok. Thank you and I look forward to it. Goodbye."

"Hey."

"Hey.", I smiled up to him.

"Anything wrong?"

"Mno."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

He regarded me carefully, as if I was some kind of riddle in which he was in need of solving.

"What do you want to do tonight?", he asked softly. "There's this club I was invited to –"

"Or we could like just stay in.."

He raised his eyebrows, somewhat surprised.

"Stay in?"

"Myeah, watch old movies and Chinese take-out and stuff.", I murmured.

"Okay."

He picked me up and let me on the living-room couch. He disappeared in the front hall and returned with two glasses of white wine.

"Classy.", I commented.

"I know.", he smirked.

We cuddled while the generic of "Last Tango in Paris" played. Oh, Marlon Brando !

"Hals, I wanted to ask you something."

"What?", I muttered in his neck." Would you come with me to England?"

"England?", I yelped.

Finn nodded.

"Isn't that like the new world?"

"Yeah."

I swallowed. "Is it..I don't know what I should ask."

"You shouldn't. Just say 'yes'!"

"I…"

"It's for my band. It would also help you, it's a big opportunity for both of us, sweetie. You've told me when we first me that your thing was books. They have the biggest, most appraised library there, the best courses. C'mon, sweetie. I switched colleges and I'm going there. Please."

"I..I haven't finished high school, Finn, I…"

"Yes, you're finishing it now, in two months you'll be done. I'm not saying 'move in now', next year. C'mon."

"Well- I thought we were going to be in the Capitol, together, we even found that apartment – "|

"Yeah, and now we will be together, but in other place. College. C'mon, baby."

"But- it's so, so new..We haven't known until recently it existed and now we're moving there?"

"Yes, I've already found an apartment. They haven't known we existed either, and, yet, they're willing to accept us, isn't it amazing? Their educational system is far better than ours, sweetie. Now what's the problem. I don't think it's the home sickness, weren't you glad to get rid of your mom? "

"I – "

"No one will judge us by our parents' names there. Please, baby."

"I'm not sure.."

I could see he was getting pissed of, but I didn't know what to do.

"Is it me, then?", he snapped.

My eyes widened. "Finn, how could you say that?"

"Then what the hell is it?"

"I don't know, I just feel a little uncomfortable about the whole thing."

"You feel a _little _uncomfortable about this?! It's like a fucking lifetime opportunity and you fucking feel a little uncomfortable about this! You know, Marina is far less talented and gifted than you, but it doesn't stop her from jumping on the first plane there."

"Oh, Marina's coming? That's why you're so keen on this?"

"Fuck's sake, Haley, I'm keen on this because it finally is our big shot and you're pissing on it ! I'd wish you were more like her."

Her? Her who? Marina?

It stung. Oh, no, I was about to shut down. I closed my eyes, feeling myself slowly drifting away. I brought my knees to my chest.

"Don't you blank out on me.", I heard him hiss. He pulled my chin up rather roughly and forced me to look at him.

"Please don't be mad at me", I pleaded, my eyes watery.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Don't cry, Haley.", his tone softened.

"I wish I was more like her too.I'm so fucked up."

"You're perfect. I don't wish you were more like her. I love you, not a bitch on heels."

"You said.."

"I didn't realize, I was pissed. Sorry."

"They say people say what they truly think when they're mad..", I murmured.

"They say shit. Come here.", his arms opened for me and I was more than willing to crawl in his lap, but..

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"I'm sorry.", I raised and headed for the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Don't yell at me."

He slightly opened his mouth, then closed it.

"Sorry.", he whispered.

I raised on my fingertips to take my coat. Where the hell was I going? I had no idea.

"Please, don't leave me.", I heard his hoarse voice. I freezed, surprised.

Turning, I met his pleading green gaze. "What?", I croaked.

"Don't leave me.", his voice was barely a whisper. "I can't do it without you, I'll be back in that dark place where I had been before I fell for you. Please. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't leave me. T-talk some more. I am here, I am listening. Please. I can be beautiful, too, I promise."

My lost boy. My heart clenched and I threw myself in his arms. "I'll never leave you, baby. Never.", I whispered, wrapping myself around him.

He laid his head in my lap and I caressed him, soothing him with myself.

My darling lost boy.

**There you go !**

**Oh, and if you have some ideas about the band's name, tell me, please. Review or private message, dunno, I have no idea. J) ~snuff**


	17. Chapter 17

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 17**

** -FPOV-**

*_flashback, previous summer, before they started 'it'*_

Shit. I had just told my stupid friends about the crush or whatever this was I had on Haley. I mentally kicked myself.

I was pissed. Finnick Odair II did not have crushes. He did not fall for someone. He did not make love. He fucked. And, above all, he was not to be completely embarrassed by his friends in front of the new girl. Girl, not crush.

I just wanted to break her chaste façade, that was all, I tried to convince myself.

Marina, Jess, Haley and the other girls were all snuggled one in another on Sam's couch. His parents were away so the place was ours to ravish and stuff with cigarettes, condoms and all that got along with it.

I briefly wondered when Sam would finally ask Jessica out, he was nuts for her, pretty obvious if you'd ask me. Not really sure why he was head-over-heels over Miss Redhead, but, frankly, I didn't give a fuck.

"Ow, hey, Haley,", Sean, my fair-haired brother-from-another-mother called, gazing suggestively at me.

Fuck.

Her petite eyes looked and she giggled sweetly. God, suck a sparkly, pretty sound!

"Yeah?", she asked lightly. I could take my eyes of her. I wanted her. I wanted her badly. She was mine to claim.

I glared at Sean and he grinned back. "Wanna go at my place tonight? Y'know, grab something to eat, watch movies and _stuff. _His tone lifted suggestively as he uttered the word 'stuff'.

"I would love to, Sean.", Haley giggled, "but-"

"But she's stuck with me. You know, she's in her summer holiday, all alone here, her folks in 12, Annie out of town.. I promised to keep her entertained." I winked at her and a delicious pink blush blossomed in her cheeks.

"Right.", she grinned.

I noticed Marina had been throwing me and Haley angry glares; what the fuck was her problem?

"So, Haley", Marina started, "are you in your Senior Year?"

"Mhm. And you?", she asked kindly.

"I finished high-school, like all of us here.", she said, with her well-known smirk. Where was she going with this?

"And where are you going to college?", Haley smiled politely.

There was a hint of blush in Marina's cheeks. Marina blushing? I coughed, trying to hide my amusement. "Well, I haven't thought yet.", Marina muttered. "None of us did", she continued, quite defensive, "but Finny, Tom, Oli and Sean, they're going to a conservatory."

'Finny'? I knew then where she was getting. Probably Sean couldn't keep his mouth shut and told her about Haley. She called me 'Finny' just when we, well, fucked.

"And you, Haley?", Jess asked.

"Well, books are my thing."

"Books.", Marina scoffed and Haley blushed. That perked my interest. Books, huh?

I rose."Haley, let's go."

"Ok, Finn." God, did I love the way my name rolled of her tongue. I wanted her.

"Let's take the way that leads straight to the beach.", I murmured. Haley nodded, following closely behind me, silent.

I inquired her about herself, her life back in 12, her thoughts. All her answers were followed by a cute little blush which intrigued me. Oh, wasn't she something!

Suddenly, I stopped, took my shirt off, then threw it on sand. Her blush deepened and I grinned. "Let's go for a swim."

I kicked my shorts off, remaining in my boxers and dived into water. I tasted the well-known salt upon my lips as my arms fought the fury of relentless waves. Water. The summer breeze. That was what I needed.

In water, I had control over my body.

Water was my enemy, my friend, who I was, who I had been, who I wanted to be. In water, my dreams and my true self mirrored and looked back at me, contemplating, understanding.

Water. Myself. Sand. Breeze. Salt.

Haley?

My head popped out of water.

"C'mon.", I shouted.

She shook her head. I swam to shore and ruffled my hair, throwing droplets of water in her direction.

She yelped and I laughed heartly.

"So?"

"So no."

" Why?", I questioned.

"I can't.", she blushed prettily.

"Can't what?"

"Swim."

"Why?"

"I-I don't know how to."

I couldn't hold my smile. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

I smirked.

"I'll teach you."

Her eyes widened and she yelped as I picked her up, gripping at her waist. "FINN! NO! DON'T!"

I laughed and walked straight into water, holding her close. Water jumped in every direction, bringing our bodies close. She was shaking violently, so I stopped and brought her hand. The water reached little higher than my waist.

"You ok?", I chuckled.

She was laughing too and I couldn't help but think how beautiful her laughter was. Her laughter was a question I could spend my whole life answering.

She nodded and I noticed how close we actually were. I could feel her alert breathing and the way her breasts rose and fell, colliding with my chest.

She was wrapped around me, clinging at my neck. I realized that she had her legs wrapped around my waist and I bit my tongue, trying not to get hard.

"Shit.'', I muttered and put my hand under her chin, lifting it up with my index finger. She gazed up at me, her big blue eyes seeming so innocent and insecure that I almost felt ashamed of myself.

I was no good for her. I knew she wanted me, but God, was I so dark, whilst she was light, beautiful, so serene, so untouched.

I hesitated, recalling that evening at my place, when we had kissed after our song 'quarrel'. She seemed to remember it, too, as she had a hint of blush in her cheeks.

I wanted to stop and swim back on land, but…

I fiercely crushed my lips in hers, tugging her hair. She seemed surprised at first, but answered my kisses dizzily. She kissed me back softly, innocently. I guided her through the movements, as her lips were clumsy and incredibly cute, making all of it more arousing for me.

She let out a soft moan in my mouth and I took the opportunity to slide my tongue down her throat. I guided her insecure kisses, massaging her tongue with mine.

She groaned and clenched to me tighter.

My hands slided down her back and I squeezed tightly. She gasped, still in my mouth.

God, she was so sweet. Deliciously innocent. I could have eaten her all up.

I broke away from her kiss. It was like a pocket of kryptonite.

She looked at me, big eyes, breath hitched.

Our eyes locked and we said nothing, simply trying to understand each other, to crawl in, to stay between.

"Hey.", was the only stupid thing I managed to say.

"Hey.", she giggled.

"I guess that's the best I can say after that.", I laughed. "Should I be sorry?"

"I guess not. I'm not entirely sure how it should go."

I smiled down to her. "My place?"

She nodded and sprinted through water back to shore. "You got me all soaked, Finn!", she scolded.

"Yeah, well I have that affect on ladies."

"Finn!", she admonished, laughing though.

"Haley.", I smiled.

She took my hand and we walked back to my place slowly. She was so warm, I couldn't help but smile a little.

Maybe I wasn't that bad for her afterwards.

**short one. i just liked the idea of them at the beach, laughing and splashing each other playfully. my friend made a drawing, i hope it works : instagram p / Yad2Udx2IZ / ~without the pauses**


	18. Chapter 18

**I'll update faster and more this week, springbreak (again! Hihi) and shit. :3**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 18**

** -HPOV-**

_*present time in their relationship, or however you'd call it.*_

I gazed at him carefully. Finn was in deep sleep, a Finn dead to the world; he was wrapped around me: we were tangled just like we always ended after our fights – entwined, desperately tugging at each other.

Would I be able to leave the country for him? To a whole new world? Unknown? O-oxford?

Of course I would. I would cross the world for him.

But there were many other problems that occurred. Marina, the exams, college, prettier girls, our parents.. They had no idea about our relationship. Well, Annie did know, but my parents..

They had no clue, even though we liked, no, loved, to display our relationship. I loved to show people that he was mine, under some unbelievable miracle, and he loved to show that I belonged to him, and, while we made love, he would always make me say that I was his; with those words we found our release. From updating our Facebook status and walking hours holding hands and laughing loudly, we did display our love to the world.

Gosh, sometimes I would just wish we could build a bridge to our own world and let no one cross. It wouldn't be a perfect world, our relationship wouldn't be just flowers and hearts and pink vanilla, but it would be ours.

We weren't much alike, me and Finn. He was out-going while I was secretitive, he was opened whilst I was closed up, he was charming while I was awkward. He was serious while I laughed out of anything, was smooth where I was rough. He smirked when I blushed, he was tense whilst I was light.

But all of these didn't matter. Because, despite them all, we completed each other. I was his comfort and he was my angst, he was my warmth and I was his cool. I was his ice and he was my fire.

Pure fire rise.

He stirred and turned to look at me.

"You're staring.", he grinned.

I scoffed. "I'm _gazing."_

He stretched and gripped my waist.

"It's creepy."

"It's romantic!", I threw a pillow at him and giggled.

He started kissing every surface of skin he found, sending delightfully pleasant shivers down my spine. He shifted on top of me and I particularly enjoyed the slightly heavy weight of his chest on mine. I enjoyed the pressure, and the way my breath stopped underneath him.

He rolled us over so that I was on top. I looked in his eyes and smiled.

"I'll go.", I said, taking his hand and bringing our fingers together.

"Mhm?"

"With you. I'll go. Wherever you want me to go. I'm sick of all this distance and sneaking around."

Finn brought our clenched hands in he dim light of dawn. He mused and my heart started beating faster.

What was he thinking? Rejection?

Shit.

I don't want to push you or anything, dude. I feel like the bad guy who pulls a nice girl into a relationship that she'll regret. Or that this is that relationship that changes you completely. I don't want that."

"So..you're saying that we lie..should..break up?"

I was trying to hide the stammer in my voice. I choked.

"No, Haley. Just think if you truly want to come. I mean, last night you were against it."

"I know, but I want to. I want to get away from here and I did make research and you were right, they have the best literature courses. I want to see new places, improve my writing… don't know, have more stories to share. I don't know why I reacted like that last night.. Don't bail on me."

Finn regarded me warmly. "Then I'm glad. It will be us against the world."

He raised and kissed my lips chastely. "I'm in love with you.", he murmured against my lips, bringing his to meet mine over and over again.

* * *

"You know what, fuck off. I won't stay anymore after your ass, with you shifting moods as if you're bipolar. You're fucked up. You're messing my whole life. I don't want you anymore. I don't want you with me. Leave."

I bursted into tears. "Finn, please..don't-"

His eyes were cold, dark. "Go away."

"Please, Finn, I'm sorry, I'll try to change.."

"I don't want you anymore. Have you ever thought someone like me would fall for someone like you? Ahaha, stupid. I can have all women and you think I'd choose you? Nice try, _sweetheart._"

I gasped, feeling crushed.

Then Marina came out from behind him and slid her arms around his neck like a snake. She purred in his ear. "Oh, Finny, fuck me.",she meowed.

He raised her chin and gazed in her eyes. He smirked at her and brought her up to him, sliding his tongue in her mouth. I watched, petrified.

He rocked into her, deepening that demon-like sore kiss. His hands rested on her backside, squeezing quite roughly. She moaned in relentless waves, bringing her breasts up in his hands, as he rolled between his long, elegant really, fingers, her hardened nipples.

She gasped loudly, moaning, clenching into him.

They were naked – where and when did all their clothes go?

What was worse, all this time that he went in and out he, sliding up and down her body, bringing the carnal desire up to me, her eyes, her sneaky, narrowed, cat-like eyes never left mine

I felt the need to puke as she wrapped her legs around his torso and when he thrusted into her, she called his name loudly, "Finny", "Finny", "Finny", again and again.

My eyes were watery and I couldn't .think straight. All I wanted to do was curl up like a ball and forget it all.

Their orgasm shattered their bodies at the same time, and I screamed desperately along with them.

"Sweetheart?"

Oh, no, not his voice… Was he trying to kill me? As all the lost souls say…

I screamed again, blocking his voice from reaching my ears, blocking all the pain.

"Sweetie? Hey, hey I'm here… Why are you crying? What's wrong? It was just a bad dream, I'm here, come, I'll hold you."

A…a dream?

My eyes flew opened and I looked at him. We were in our bed, home, safe, and he was there for me, not with _her. _A nightmare, a fear, a nightmare..

I snuggled gratefully into him, and he started caressing my back as he knew I loved.

"You were screaming in your sleep. What did you dream?", he murmured in my ear.

"Can't remember.", I lied softly, scared my fear would turn into reality as I'd say it.

It was said that things became feared if they were not said by name, but I was willing to take the risk.

**Tadaa! And thank you for all love and reviews and follows and favs I'm like super excited ! Yaaaaay !**


	19. Chapter 19

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 19 **

** -HPOV-**

Knock, knock.

"Mind if I join?"

I shifted shakily in the tub water, bringing my knees to my chest and covering in my long blond hair.

"No, come in.", I answered him.

Finn opened the bathroom door and walked in, running a hand through his messy hair. I smiled as he gave me a light peck on lips.

I was waiting for him to undress and get into the steamy water, but he sat on the floor and started playing with my wet hair. I turned my back at him, easing his way with my hair.

He started humming a soft tune which sounded a lot like "Wish you were here." [Pink Floyd.] I leant into him, enjoying the sweet and relaxing touch of his fingers. His hands scared away the pain and stress of the last days.

"Better?", he murmured, kissing my hair and the crown of my head.

"Mhm."

He helped me get out of the tub and started drying my hair. He was more than gentle and it felt surprisingly good; his chest pressed against my back was more than comfortable.

I vaguely remembered an early conversation between me and my friend, Charlotte, which occurred almost a year ago.

"He's no good for you.", she had told me, patting my back somewhat supportively. I had sighed. "I know, but I want him." She had smiled sympathetically at me and I had gulped, recognizing the "I'msorrybutyou'llgetbroken" look.

As his hands worked gently in my hair, I realized that not only did I want him, but I needed him. And maybe he didn't want me as I wanted him nor did he need me as I needed him,but I guess I came to a point in which I didn't care.

It was alright.

We sticked together and he made me feel like…like…I..maybe I was worth it.

After he meticulously dried my hair, he started brushing it as deliciously sweet shivers ran down my spine.

"You really are good at this.", I half moaned.

He smiled and stood silent and I wondered whether I had said something uneasy for him. I was good at fucking up.

I gazed up at him fro time to time, trying to make sure he was still there with me.

"I used to brush mom's hair.", he said quietly.

Annie?

"Before she.. before she started.. y'know.. getting more..", he was stammering and I realized how painful it must have been for him.

"Getting more flashbacks?", I said softly.

"She- she shut down. When she looked at me, she saw my father. I could see how hollow she was. She started thinking more and more that I was my father, I had her fewer. I was scared, I guess. A little wrecked boy who needed his mother, who couldn't understand why mommy locked herself in the bathroom, why she wasn't there for him, why she screamed nights in a row and why she had tried to kiss him that day or why she cried when she looked him in the eye.

I looked too much like my father for my own good.

I was screwed up, scared, doing anything that I wanted and needed.

She then started coming back in pieces more, with time, always tended to apologize for not being there for me. I-I got used to it."

He paused, his hands never leaving my hair, brushing slowly. It felt just intimate. He was giving in to me, little by little, and my heart pumped contently.

"I remember how pretty she was", he murmured, caressing my hair.

"She really _is_ pretty."

Finn nodded, kissing my cheek sloppily. Chuckling, I ran a hand through his hair and trapped his bottom lip between mine. I grazed my teeth on the smooth surface and ran my tongue along his lips. His tongue slid in and I opened my mouth to welcome it.

My legs straddled his waist and Finn jumped me in his arms, carrying me to bed.

* * *

We walked on the beach, holding hands, regarding the sunset, me having my camera banging from my neck. I snapped pictures of him whenever I got the chance, without trying to stop myself from admiring how handsome he was.

He rolled his eyes at me every time I made him look at pictures of him, bragging.

"What? I like taking pictures.", I responded, eyeing him cheekily as he had rolled his eyes once more.

"It's not fair, I want to take pictures of you too."

"Well, I don't like that. It's better to look than be looked at."

He frowned, but didn't comment, although I was sure he wasn't pleased.

"We leave tomorrow.", he murmured.

"I know."

"Are you ready?"

"Mhm."

His thumb was gently caressing mine. I smiled up to him and kissed him, attracting glares from other pass by-ers, girls mostly.

"Love you.", he said, against my hair, pinching my hips. I squealed and kissed his jaw.

He chuckled slowly, clenching our fingers tightly.

I smiled and thought to myself that I would gladly hold his hand til our ribs would crack and my wrist would loosen strength.

We danced in water, splashing and kissing, moving giddily. All the time, I snapped pictures of him and finally ended by letting him take photos of me.

I posed, smiling awkwardly. Pictures weren't made for me; lifeless, still.

I was the observer, not the observed.

And his Adonis-like features intimidated me. I wondered how we looked in people's sight. Adonis and average girl? Probably.

It was getting dark then, but we sang from the bottom of our lungs Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone".

"How does it feel..to be on your own..no direction home..'

We waited for Sam, Jess & Co to arrive and meanwhile, we had made a little fire.

"Cool. Will Oli blow a condom, then throw it in fire, run on the beach to go skinny-dipping while screaming 'Fuck the police' again?", Finn mused.

"I don't think he's that high. Plus, he hates being repetitive. Maybe this time he'll throw Marina in the fire.", I meditated.

Finn's eyes glinted amused and the ring of his laughter filled my ears.

"Ma' homies!", Sean yelled, jumping out of Sam's car. He turned the car's radio on and Borgore resounded loudly as I rolled my eyes.

"I have food.", Marina's squeaky voice popped from behind Sean. Oh, isn't she a cute lil' waste of space.

Quick enough, we were ten people snuggled one in other, lined around the fire, eating chips, spilling beer, talking over Borgore music, which seemed to funnily disturb Sean.

"Oh, we'll have such a great time!", Marina giggled. "Of course, it'd be better if some of us weren't coming." Her eyes flashed at me and started laughing with her best friend, Jasmine, pointing in my direction suggestively.

Bitches.

I felt my cheeks heat up and I almost jumped when I heard Jess' voice against my ear.: "I say, if you can't beat 'em, beat 'em."

I giggled and she winked at me. As both of us raised, Marina's comments caught up to us. "Oh, look, Ms. Deep and Ms. Slut."

Jess grinned and leant down to whisper something to Marina. Surprisingly, she and Jasmine raised and started following, while Jessica lead the way. She stopped at a quite far away place, behind the cliffs.

"So, bun, I guess we have some things to handle between us before we leave,huh?", Jess grinned at them.

"I guess, so, why, finally getting that your place is in that shithole with the crackwhore that is your mother, taking princess here with you?" Marina paused, shifting her malicious glare to me." Ow, honey, I don't give a fuck who your parents are or how innocent you may act, I just know who you are. A spoiled slut who's with Finn only for his looks and who cries like a little bitch to impress and get compassion. Stuff your head back in your books, princess, no one will miss your presence."

Marina finished her speech with a smirk and Jasmine laughed heartly, eyes gleaming meanly.

Anger boiled in me. How did she dare insult Jessica's mother? Not even to mention me. "Oh, dead, the only slut here is you.", I smiled.

"Oh, no."

Jess slapped Marina hard and she fell on sand, hair all tangled, with a sharp cry. Marina's nails scratched deep in Jessica's had and she slapped her back, too.

I started getting flashbacks from my early childhood, the daughter of the two Victor.. _Slaps, her voice, "You're not worth it!", "Bad child!", mom screaming in her sleep, dad's hijack-ed flashbacks.._

"STOP!", I screamed just as Jasmine joined the fighting, punching Jess in her stomach as Marina pulled her hair.

_''Don't be rude, Haley!'' "Mean child!", "Shut up!", "You're worthless." Another slap. "Stupid child!" Dad driven by the hijack venom, screaming at mom. Slap. Nate, my brother, hiding in the closet, away from mom screaming all the dead's names in her sleep. Slap._

The last thing I remembered before passing out were Finn's arms wrapped around me.

**Asdfghjkl I liked writing this chapter. :] ~snuff.**


	20. Chapter 20

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 20

-HPOV-

**-flashback, not much before they started dating ,let's say couple of weeks.**

**So ****_past time in their relationship.-_**

I was nervous.

I kept running my hands through my hair, even though I knew I probably was doing more damage to it than usually.

Would Finn..like it?

We were going to meet at his apartment, as Annie was visiting Gale in District 2 and I didn't fancy spending a whole week alone in their enormous villa, and in my summer holiday. On the other hand, spending a week at his place…

I straightened the bottom of my summer dress with the back of my hands. Geez, who was I kidding? I didn't even like wearing dresses, but he liked me in them. I stepped in my red heels, feeling a lot more feminine than I usually did. No, not high heels, more likely 'low heels'. My plan wasn't exactly breaking my neck in front of him.

I stepped outside, turned to close the door and cursed loudly. It had started to rain, there went my summer-like outfit!

And when the hell did it actually rain here, in District 4? Oh,right, the whole universe had a plan against me.

Scoffing, I headed towards Finn's place, sand filling my shoes.

As I got a little lost, carried away, maybe, it took me sometime to get there, and, when I arrived, I was soaked and it was pouring hard and I felt like shit.

I double checked my appearance in the lift mirror and sighed. I looked like hell and I felt naïve as hell; streamed make-up, wet hair, soaked dress.

And Finnick was always so perfect, so casually looking.. well,shit.

Calming my hitched breath, I reached to ring his bell, but the door opened urgently and I almost jumped. A beautiful brunette almost ran over me. Her look locked mine and she narrowed her eyes, eyeing me up and down.

"Oh, hey.", I smiled.

"What are you doing here?", she hissed.

My eyebrows arched in surprise and my cheeks heated up.

She smirked then.

"You're here to 'hang out' with Finn? Well, you, just like the others, have no chance with him. What do you expect, him to fall in love with your endless cuteness? Kiss, kiss, babe."

"I…I"

My sight caught Finn, shirtless, standing in the doorway, holding a cigarette between two of his fingers. He smiled at me.

"Oh, I see you've met Marina, Haley. Be nice and say hi, Marina.", he said, leaning against the doorway and sliding a hand in the pocket of his denim jeans.

"Hi.", Marina said mockingly. She clasped her hand in a goodbye sign, but her eyes were cold. She kissed Finn's cheek as her hand brushed his chest, and then left.

"Hi.", I murmured to him, wondering what was she doing there and why he would be shirtless. I had no right to feel like that towards him..what was this, anyways? Jealousy? I wasn't entitled to feel it.

"Hey.", he grinned, pulling me to him and closing the door. He sticked his mouth on mine, his tongue sliding in. I wanted to answer his needy kiss, but all I could think was him and.. the girl from earlier. Marina, was it?

I wasn't even his first choice..well, was I anyone's?

He gripped my ass while his other hand cupped my right breast and I moaned softly against his lips. He pinned me against the wall and his hands were then on my bare thighs, lifting up my dress and wrapping my legs around his waist.

He broke our kiss and started licking and sucking on my exposed neck, and I tried desperately to stop my panting.

"Fuck, Hals, I've wanted you so much. The things I'll do to you..", he breathed, while rolling his wet tongue on my neck.

He bit my earlobe hard and I felt one of his hands slowly going under the material of my dress. He caressed the insides of my thighs and rested his hand on my panties, just against my core.

I shivered, gasping. He got rid of my panties, as his lips were ravishing a spot behind my ear, distracting me. He slid one finger in and I had to stop him.

"Stop.", I croaked.

"Mmm.", he murmured, nibbling on my ear. His finger was pushing in and everything was too much for me.

"Finn, please, stop.", I pleaded, trying to push him away, but he was too strong. He didn't stop, though, and I yelped "Finn!", as tears rushed to my eyes.

That seemed to catch his attention, because he did stop, pulling away. I quickly tried to straighten my dress, wondering where were my panties. I spotted them not so far, on the floor, but I figured it would be to embarrassing to walk there and put them on, while Finn watched me.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Have I hurt you?", he murmured, sitting down, next to me, as I had let myself fall on the floor when he had pulled away.

"No, I just.."

"I went too far, I realize now, I'm sorry. I guess I get carried away with you."

I smiled to myself. Such a nice thing to say, but, somehow, I felt like he knew exactly what to say to me or to any other girl, and that pained me so, because I..I had grown attached to him.

He rested his hand on mine and I brought it to my cheek. Finn cradled it and brushed his fingers on my skin, and I blushed, letting my head fall on his shoulder.

We laid there for a while, on the floor of his stuffed apartment, hearing a faintly slow tune that his neighbors played.

And we laid there, embraced, and I realized that I got carried away, too. He got me carried away.

I guess I had fallen in love with him already, by then.

* * *

"Who was that girl from earlier?", I murmured against his neck. We were in his bed and he had clutched me under his sheets, after he had made me take a long hot bath, as I had been "out in the rain."

He had been really sweet, waited for me to get warmed up and then got lost with me under his covers.

Also, he never got too far, he had told me it was alright if I wasn't ready, but I knew I somehow was. I was ready to give myself to him completely.

"Marina? A friend."

A friend.

I was in his lap and I had his laptop on my knees; we were watching viral videos: Shane Dawson, Tubuscus, Pewdiepie, Smos. It was so relaxing to laugh in his arms, feeling his chest vibe underneath me.

"Oh."

He seemed to stiffen and I felt my cheeks redden.

He paused the video and spanked my ass, motioning for me to raise.

"Let's eat something.", he told me, giving me his hand so I could stand.

"Can't cook.", I laughed.

"Well, shit. Isn't your father like the best baker in the world?"

"Yeah, so?"

I stuck my tongue out to him and he grinned.

"We always have cereal." Finn chuckled, getting two bowls out of the cupboard. I opened the fridge and rose on my fingertips to reach for the milk.

He came behind me and his arms wrapped around my waist, jumping me in his embrace.

"Wow, I feel tall.", I giggled.

"Do you,now?", he asked, amused.

My fingers gripped around the bottle of milk and hid it close to my chest. Letting me down, he pinched my hips playfully and I smiled to myself quietly. He was being so cute.

Afterwards, we ate Chocapic, while I made fun of his childish tastes, which I actually found adorable. When we finished, he started mocking the way I pushed my hair the moment I was nervous.

"At least I don't have hundred bags of cereal for 5 year olds stuffed in my drawer.", I responded.

"Shut it, Mellark." He threw himself on me and made a threat of tickling.

"Don't.", I warned, trying to be dead serious.

That seemed to catch his attention.

"Are you ticklish,Mellark?", he asked.

"No.", I said, trying to sound convincing.

That didn't seem to do it, though, because his fingers ran to my belly and,soon, the room was filled with my giggles and hopeless threats.

He pushed me on the coach, as we had made it to the living-room, and continued his attack. I was laughing harder and harder, spasming under him.

Finn stopped to look at me and only then did I realize how close we actually were.

I stopped laughing, suddenly, and my breath paused. His lips were only inches away from mine. I parted my mouth slightly and he seemed uncertain for a moment, but, then, his tongue rolled onto mine and I grasped his hair, pulling him as close as I could.

* * *

"This is us, my dear. A few smokes here, a few kisses there, a talk about books and classics next, a laugh then, few tears after. Touch me so I can push you away, kiss me so I can love you. Fight me so I can kiss you. That's all we need, a couple of smokes, a cup of coffee and a little bit of conversation.", Finn murmured in my ear, while he had me in his lap, trying to teach me to play guitar.

I shuddered and took his hand in mine.

I felt a little peculiar, I felt a little crazy, I felt a little stupid, and I felt a little love.

**Tadaa. I will alternate with flashbacks and present times, it seems nicer to me. :3 thanks for all the reviews and love guys, luv yaa. :33 ~snuff.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 21**

** -HPOV-**

*'present' time in their relationship*

I watched absently how the plane took off, regarding with no vivid interest the collision of colours, visions, variations.

"You ok?"

I turned my head from the window and smiled at the passenger next to me. "Yes."

Finn frowned. "Are you sure? Last night, Marina and –"

"I'm fine."

He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair, then propped his chin on his index finger. He was mad, probably. Not at me, in particular, but he was mad. I hadn't changed more than two-three words with him since last night, and Finn had always hated it when I closed up.

I just didn't know exactly what was it to talk about. I wasn't sure what had happened, either.I hadn't experienced anything like that before, maybe it had been too much for me, all those bad,rotten memories,fights, I got dazzled.

Jess had tried to apologize, but, honestly, it was ok. Probably Finn went to had on Jess. I knew he was mad at her, he blamed her on everything, I had heard them fight. She had seemed apologetic, ashamed even, but Finn.. he wasn't so accepting.

I,for the matter, was the one to feel ashamed. Ashamed and weak and I wasn't going to share this with Finn, As he had gone too far last night; he even wanted to cancel this whole thing. I didn't get him, I knew how much he wanted to leave,too.

Last summer, we fell in love and this summer we were making a great step in our lives. Maybe too big.

He had made this "proposal" to me three months ago, in my spring break and I was scared. Scared of the unknown, and that, maybe, he'd get tired of me there. Scared that he'd find a prettier girl and settle down with her, while I'd be left alone in the big city lights.

But I trusted him. I trusted him enough to _make_ my parents understand, to register and get in Oxford, to leave all I had known for him, only one month after finishing high-school.

Talking about big steps, huh?

Despite my insecurities, everytime I looked at him, I felt no regret. It was the right thing to do for me, for him, for my career, my future, _our_ futures, for us.

I watched the sunlight cross through clouds and even through the plane's window which I sat next to, warming my right cheek with hope and goals of a new start.

"Can I sleep in your lap?", I asked Finn quietly.

"Sure.", he smiled, his tone was softer than earlier. I rested my head on his knew; it was a little uncomfortable because of the seats, and the plane, and my anxiousity, but it would do.

He started playing with my hair, caressing my back the way he knew I loved, gazing on the window, lost in his thoughts.

'We're just kids in love.', I thought, rubbing my nose affectionately against his thigh, and slowly drifting to sleep.

* * *

"Wake up.", Finn murmured in my ear."We're here."

I yawned and stretched, raising from his lap. "That was a nice flight.", I grinned as I made my way in between the row of chairs.

His hand brushed my backside, hurrying me. "Don't hurry me, Odair. I need to take my time.", I said, stubbornly, amused.

He didn't answer and I started to worry and wanted to turn, and then his slap hit my ass hard, causing me to yelp quietly. "Now, hurry.", he blew me a kiss and smugged at me.

We took a taxi to our new place. It was raining so I snuggled into Finn, smiling at the droplets of water that whipped the air and the window glass.

"Why so smiley, Mellark?"

"Because I can."

Finn pinched my cheek and I flashed a big, excited grin at him and laid my head back in his lap. "It's beautiful here.", I whispered dazzled by all this traffic, those blinding lights, the beauty of fresh rain and streets that burst with hurried people, protected by their enormous umbrellas. Images for commercials everywhere, for TVs, laptops, camera, and some technologies that I had never heard of before. Overwhelmed?

Yes, please.

It was so different from quiet District 12 or sunny District 4, or all the other Ds of Panem, or even Panem itself. It was so different that it was attractive and scary, at the same time.

It was peculiar, it was overwhelming, it was a little too much. I hid my face in Finn's shirt because it was the only familiarity that I had there.

His warmth.

* * *

He gave my a light squeeze, telling we that we arrived. I rubbed my eyes and opened the taxi door. Finn paid the driver and picked our bags and luggages.

"You go first.", he smiled to me.

I was nervous and I was sure he could tell, my breathing was ragged and the malitious sound of rain distraught me. Shakily, I smiled back, somehow realizing the enourmousity of the choice we had made.

My gaze shifted from his ridiculously handsome figure to the grey building we were about to tie our lives to. I shivered, it didn't exactly seem too welcoming to me. It induced me hesitance, stillness, a pause.

But that was how the places there were, weren't they? Distant, but that kind of distancy which caused admiration, wonder,a fairness of beauty.

This wasn't the cold black cloud which was coming down. Despite the grey-ness, despite my fears for less, I had a feeling of fullfilness. It was right, it was soul-like, it was search and gain, it even had a hint of that poetic 'bullshit' we all had, but tried to hide.

Who cared?

This, this whole thing, it felt romantic, that was what my common sense whispered sheepishly to me. It was crazy, we both knew it, we had no assurance that it would work out and that it wouldn't go to hell, as it usually did. It was us against the world, you could have said that we had just so many dragons to fight, so many battles to win, so many prizes to conquer.

You could have also said that just being kids in love would no longer work as an excuse anymore, that our relationship clearly was just starting to develop and it was still fragile, but…

But it was alright. We all had the right to be a little stupid and contagious, a little crazy from time to time, didn't we?

I took Finn's hand in mine and enjoyed our light electricity, heading towards the front door of our new home-to-be block of flats which was where our apartment was.

We fit.

That was all I knew.

We fit, and I knew that, just as cheesy as it sounded, if this was meant to be a mistake, it was going to be my favorite.

**aww,guys, I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shitty but I had our class banquet couple of days ago and it was just so overwhelming and I was busy prepaing and aahh. Departure & tears & shit. I hope you like it, though, and to the last reviewers; I'm sorry that I can't update faster but this year I have to take my exams and school is ending and I'm just so busy and now I am rambling. Sorry again, love y'all **

**xx~snuff**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys. I've decided to alternate chapters in time, as in one chapter would go 'last year', at the starting of their relationship, and the next one would be in the 'present', the moving & stuff. I hope that you'll like it and that you'll find it interesting.**

**Tell me what you guys think about it, review or PM me! :} ~snuff.**

Undisclosed Desires

-HPOV-

*the previous summer, exactly one year ago.*

It was raining quite hard.

Silly me, I used to think that sunny District 4 was never touched by coldness, by rain.

I was in the Odairs' villa, trying to ignore the loud, shrieking thunder and the blinding golden bolts. Annie was still away and the place was freezing.

I was clutched under covers, shaking slightly. Finn was there, too, as he had decided that the TV screen there was bigger than the one at his apartment.

I could hear music being played from his room and I shivered, almost feeling his sea-scent wrapped around me.

I got up and untied my hair, leaving my curls flow down mu shoulders.

I was only wearing a Guns'n'Roses T-shirt and some black panties, but I didn't think he would mind.

I tip-tapped my way to his room and creaked the door open.

I watched his figure, my mouth quite dropping. He was gorgeous. Shirtless, denim jeans, a cigarette plucked in his mouth, his guitar in his arms. The TV was on and I recognized "Friday the 13th", the newest and also the shittiest version. The room smelled of crack and of Finn.

There was a loud thunder then, and he noticed me.

He raised his eyebrows and I smiled shyly.

"Finn, can I sleep with you?"

I blushed the instant this came out of my mouth. Fuck, another moment of awkwardness. Couldn't I just think before saying anything? He probably thought I was an obsessed freak.

His eyes gleamed, amused, though.

"Sure."

He threw the blankets from his body and patted the empty place next to him with the back of his hand.

I smiled gratefully and approached the bed, snuggling under the covers. I felt his hand caress my hair, and I pressed my back against his thigh. Finn's arms wrapped around my waist and I stifled an effortless giggle.

He turned me over so that we could both watch the movie.

"The blonde one looks like your friend, um, Mary?"

"Marina?", he laughed.

"Yeah, I guess. She's pretty." She was. She was really pretty.

"Dunno, I haven't really thought of it. She's nothing astonishing. I prefer you better."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. Right. The perfect thing to say. Again.

He looked down at me, startled.

"What, you think that I'm lying?", he asked, biting my ear. I gasped, feeling myself tingle with warm want and burning desire. Oh, he was no good for me, the careless naive little girl who blushed and laughed at anything.

"Or do you think I'm lying because I want to get in your pants?"

His hand gripped my thigh and I tried to get a hold of myself.

"Because you'd be right.", he breathed on my neck. "I do want to get in your pants." I was all hot and bothered, I could almost feel myself squirm for him. Why wasn't my body listening to me, why was it listening to _him?_ Why was it saying 'yes'?

His teeth grazed my neck and he pressed his knee between my legs, forcing them to spread open. "But I don't need to lie to do that. I don't need to lie to get in any girl's pants. Or, as a matter of fact, in _anyone's._", Finn continued as I was desperately trying to close my legs.

"Well, aren't you entertaining.", he chuckled, pushing himself back so that he could kiss my knees. I groaned and covered my parted mouth with my palm. I was pulsing underneath him.

"Fuuck.", I almost chanted and unwrapped myself from him, only to throw myself back. My found quickly his and he welcomed me by hitching one of my thighs around his hip.

"I need you", he moaned, starting to nip down slowly towards my breasts. He needed me.

For a moment, I no longer cared that I probably was one of many, I needed him, also.

_Tell me all the things you want to do._

He kissed each one of my breasts through my T-shirt and then rose to find my lips again, and, this time, we moved in synchronization, tasting and feeling each other as he pressed against me.

I grabbed his hair and pulled, and with my other free hand, I bared my fingernails as I slid my fingers on his back up and down again.

_I heard that you like the bad girls, honey, is that true?_

"Haley.", he groaned and started to kiss me again.

"I love you.", I panted and immediately regretted it.

Why the hell couldn't I think?

Finn pulled away and looked at me, wide eyes, utterly shocked.

"What?", he said, roughly.

I blushed furiously and slid away from him.

"You-you what?", he insisted, but I didn't answer.

My eyes stung and I turned my back away from him.

"You can't.", he hissed. "You can't love me."

I hid my face in the pillow and almost started sobbing, as his imprinted scent overwhelmed me. I bit my tongue, commanding myself not to cry.

"What is there to love at me? I am horrible. I am a monster. Are you insane?"

I would have glared at him but I knew that I would have started crying inevitably the moment I would have faced him.

"Look at you. You're barely at the beginning, you're so sweet and untouched.. How the fuck can you love me?" His hands sank in my shoulders and he pulled me up, forcing me to meet his eyes.

I was sure they were watery, but I flashed an angry look at him. "You're beautiful.", I murmured.

"Looks? Is it all about looks? That's what this is all about? Looks? I thought you were above that. I though you knew what kind of person I was, underneath this exterior. How can you –"

"Stop it. You're beautiful. You. Not the way you look, you are beautiful. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. And you were nice to me and –"

"Then, sweetheart, have you ever gotten out of the house? How can you label me with 'nice'? Did you have your eyes opened during those days we spent together? I toy around with people, Haley. I break girls and yes, you were right that night at the pier, I don't care of any of them."

"That's the exterior, Finnick. I can see through you. You can't fool me. You really are beautiful."

His eyes narrowed and I knew he was angry. "Out. Now.", he hissed.

Why..? What had I done? Why was he so mad?

"You said I could spend sleep here –"

"Out.", his voice was a growl.

"But-"

He rose and pushed me against the wall, his right fist clenching the surface. "I don't have any beautiful interior, Haley. I do not care of them, you were right, but I do not care of you either."

"But-"

"You were right, I was lying, I supported all your whiny charades just to get in your pants. That's who I am, Haley. I'm a monster. Now get away with your sweet being and lock your pretty face and pretty body in that room of yours or I might crash it during the night. Out. "

I gasped, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I pushed him away because I couldn't hold it anymore and ran to my room. I heard him slam his door and I slammed mine too, and crashed to the floor, crying.

The whole night, I curled up like a ball, trying to stop myself from crying and listening to the thunder. It felt like I was thrown out. Lighting bolts. I was back. Then thrown out again.

**Aaand tadadaaam ! hope you liked it :D ~snuff**


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks for all the love and reviews guys! xx ~snuff**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 23**

** -HPOV-**

-present time-

My hand was quite trembling when I gave the keys to Finn. He winked at me and then unlocked the door.

"My lady.", he motioned, taking a little bow.

"My lord.", I grinned and walked inside. There was a fuzzy dim-light so it was hard for me to see, but the place looked alright.

I could faintly feel the smell of fresh rain and the hurried dance of raindrops rang in my ears. It was really cold, though, but I didn't mind. I felt like I could spend days, weeks, months, years, stepping inside that lobby, heading towards the lifts and pressing the button, thinking "I'm home."

"My mistress.", Finn said in a husky voice behind me.

I called the lift and giggled. "My lord and God."

He chuckled and leant down to kiss my hair."Honey.", he smirked when the lift arrived.

I stepped in and tried to help him with the luggages. "Baby.", I smiled.

"Sweetheart.", he retorted, blowing me a kiss and pressing '3'. Oh, wasn't it a lucky number?

"Love.", I battled my eyelashes.

"Bun."

"Sweetcake."

"When the hell have you ever called me sweetcake?", he laughed.

"When the hell did you call me 'bun'?", I answered, almost falling out of the lift. Finn pretended not to hear me and told me that the apartment number was 43.

I quickly found the door and jumped excitedly." Open iiit.", I whined.

"I'm the Christmas tree here, remember?", Finn said, searching through his pockets. I blushed because he had offered to carry most of our baggages and I was showing signs of selfishness again.

"Sorry.", I murmured, but he was busy searching for the keys to hear me. "Found 'em.", he announced victoriously.

It took some time before we figured which one was the right key for the apartment door, but we did it!

We quickly got in and Finn turned on the lights. My heartbeats were fast and urgent and I was pumping with excitement.

"Welcome home.", he murmured and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leant in his scent, in his embrace, and I knew my eyes were watery, but it had sounded just so beautiful. His voice had been smooth and his words soft.

I looked around joyfully. The flat wasn't extraordinary big, but it was my kind of perfect. It was bright and all the rooms were neat and glowing. All the furniture already was there and I remembered feeling relieved because we wouldn't have to worry about that, too.

Everything seemed welcoming, perfect, it seemed…home.

"Do you like it?", he asked, kissing my neck softly.

"I love it.", I breathed. "I can picture us here."

Daily routines, ordinary, stupid problems, little fights, arguments, laughs, kisses, make-up sex, midnight declarations, getting high, him playing music, me writing, me freaking out and he shushing me. It felt too perfect.

_One love, two mouths, one love, one house, no shirt, no blouse, just us._

"Yeah, me too. I love you."

"I love you too.", I rose on my fingertips and he tightened his grip around me. His lips pressed tenderly mine, his tongue coaxing open my compliant mouth.

"Hals.", he stated.

What?

Oh, our little nick-naming game.

I gripped his hair as he squeezed me. "Finny.", I giggled, leaning into his lips. He stiffened and I opened my eyes, surprised.

"Don't call me that." He was avoiding my searching eyes and I frowned.

"Why?"

"I just..I don't like it. Bad memories."

Well that was..new.

"Okay."

But.. didn't Marina call him Finny?

My thoughts swirled when his lips finally pressed mine again. We both groaned in relief at the feeling of our skin one on another. I unbuttoned his pants and he kicked them off, gracefully even.

Finn ran his hands down my stomach and I reached to unclasp my bra. His fingers slid in my underwear. He thrusted in and I dug my nails in his back.

"Let's see the bed, shall we now? They said it was quite grand.", he murmured in my mouth.

"And it that why you've bought it?", I giggled, sending shivers through our connected bodies.

"Well, it was also said that the walls were soundproof. I was thinking the neighbors would mind being subscribed to . ", he said mischievously

"Finn!", I protested and he jumped me in his arms ad I straddled his waist.

He carried me to the bedroom and threw me on bed, then jumped on me. He was fairly gentler than usually.

"I am going to make love to every inch of your body, sweetheart.", he said, biting the little finger of my toe. I squealed as he continued kissing my leg, while massaging the other with his left hand. He rolled his tongue on the skin of my thighs and I whimpered.

"Finn..-"

"Yes?"

I couldn't take it, I couldn't handle his teasing, I felt like I would melt.

"Please."

"Please what?"

"Touch me."

"Where?"

I whined and he chuckled, letting the tip of his tongue touch the heating between my legs faintly.

"Fiiiinn, please."

"What? What do you want me to do?", he teased.

I whined. "Fuck me."

"Incorrect. I'll make love to you."

"Make love to me then.", I whimpered.

"Well, not that you ask so nicely..". He rammed into me with a low growl. I threw my head back and gasped, digging my nails into his hot flesh.

My hips bucked against his, desperately trying to get him deeper.

We became one, all the layers of skin and flesh and ideals and goals and differences and mistakes didn't matter anymore, as we became one entity.

It was just like the Platonic aspiration, he was my half and I was his. We fit and we made a hole, the perfect sphere.

With every thrust, we grew closer, we melded together, soul to soul.

"Oh, Finn.", I hummed.

Our orgasm ripped our connected bodies and his name left my parted lips as a scream.

We laid there, skin against skin, sweated and wasted.

"Promise that you'll love me forever.", I sobbed.

"Of course I will. You're my sweetheart.", he stroked his nose against mine affectionately.

"You brought me through my dark path. You light me up, as all the lost souls say."

We made love through the rest of the night and, by dawn, the room echoed with unspoken words.

**Here ya go! I hope you find the 'alteration' idea a good one, as well as me, as it is easier for me, because I have all those ideas which don't really fit one after another. : )) love, ~snuff.**


	24. Chapter 24

**N/A: i feel like this is the shitties chapter, actually i feel like the whole story starts to feel shitty. : )) hope some of you like it tho. ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 24**

** -FPOV-**

I hadn't closed a wink the whole night. I stood awake, smoking pot and playing some random shitty notes on my guitar. I ended almost banging it against the wall in frustration, as all that ran through my head was the look she had when I spilled it all on her.

I vaguely wondered whether I had hurt her dependently, knowingly, associating her with something that I would never become .How sadistic was that?

I knew I liked being in control, from physical touch to emotionality.

Maybe the fact that I saw her pleading eyes, her ask for my affection and my acceptance did it.

I also knew, or had a brief image of, how much I had hurt her. I hated to cause her pain, but she was better off without me.

Or that was what I tried to convince myself.

Because, as my need of protection towards her grew, my need for physical and emotional pain faded, or at least it seemed so.

I intended to believe that, and I knew I had to push her away. Maybe it would all go to hell, as it usually did, the classic story of "he didn't know who should stay or who should go, so he pushed them all away."

Basically, I knew she had to stay.

But for my sake and hers, I had to stay away.

I remembered her words: "I feel like people are waiting for me to fuck up."

I understood that. That was at least something that I understood from her being. I got her, I felt her.

Maybe that was why I had to stay away from her. I had a rule of no emotionally bandage, an unspoken one, kind of, I was going to stay on it.

I wanted her, though.

I wanted her badly.

That was not as unusual, but I knew that by pushing her away I would break the rules. I never stood away, I got what I want, I knew I was no good for anyone, but I pushed through.

Maybe she got that.

Her assurances and fable hopes would not do.

A rose is a rose is a rose.

I could not change, despite her strong beliefs, encouragements and extra working hours.

Beep. Beep.

I narrowed my eyes and tried to reach my phone, the source of the annoying and dreadful buzzing.

Beep. Beep.

I almost knocked over all the other unnecessary shits that I had on the bedside.

"Hello?", I groaned groggily.

"Finn, honey, have I woken you up?", Annie's voice rang.

Had never quite grew comfortable with calling her 'mother'.

"No.", I scoffed.

"Finn, I've just texted Haley, but I want to make sure you will take her out somewhere nice, grab something to eat maybe, you know I promised Katniss and Peeta that I, that we, would take care of her."

"That's-that's not a good idea."

"Oh, nonsense. Take her somewhere nice, I'm sure that you can find something enjoyable for both of you."

"I won't. Mum, trust me, I won't, she – "

"Finn, please don't be difficult."

Her voice reached a desperate tone and I sighed. I knew how hard it was for her to try be a mother, after all her sickness and mental disorders. And I also knew I wasn't such an easy-going son.

"Ok, mum. I'll try."

"Thanks, Finn ! Take care, both of you."

I could sense relief in her tone and I smiled softly. Maybe she wasn't the best mother in the world, well, not even close, but who can label a 'good' mother?

I could see through her and I could see through myself and I knew I loved her.

Sometimes I wondered if I'd have wanted things to be different, if I would have preferred a better, a caring, not an absent minded mother, but I knew I wouldn't have.

I loved her and she loved me and any form of love was more than bearable to me.

Ah.

As for my father..

"Love you too.", I murmured. "And thanks, mom."

I could feel her smile through the phone as she hang up.

"Fuck.", I groaned and feel back into my pillows.

"Haley? Can I come in?", I asked steadily, after taking a breath and knocking at her door.

I heard a muffled response, but decided to take it as a welcoming 'yes'.

I quietly opened the door and saw her only in a not so long Led Zeppelin T-shirt, unbraided hair and black panties.

"Interesting attire.", I commented and she was quick to blush and retreat in the white bed sheets.

"What do you want?", she questioned.

"I'm taking you out."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. Annie said so. Plus, I own you one."

"What for? Being an arse?"

"Arse?", I raised my eyebrows.

"Yes. Ass, if you prefer."

"I prefer arse."

"You should. It suits you."

I laughed heartily, with the sense of guilt and shame blossoming, my ears were probably red as cherry.

"So, coming?", I asked, avoiding her gaze. Haley hesitated and I was aware of her discomfort, unfaithfulness maybe.

Blame?

"Yes, okay. But just because Annie said so.", she said in a trembling voice.

"Alright.", I smiled to her, but she didn't return my flashy grin. I gulped.

"I'll be downstairs. Wear something nice.", I winked at her, trying to get her loosened up, trying to act oblivious to her stiffness.

"Okay.", she murmured.

I opened the car door for her, trying to shift my gaze from her bare legs.

Her thighs were white from the winter.

Haley stubbornly refused to look at me or to climb in front, with me, so she opened by herself the backdoor and jumped in, and then slammed it loudly after her.

I rolled my eyes and got in, too. She curled up like a ball in her seat and sticked her forehead against the window glass.

I started driving, peeking from time to time to watch her profile. Oh, she was such a pretty one.

And the figure of her would tease me through the night.

I was going to take her to a quiet little restaurant in the East side. I used to hang out in the area with my friend, but I had never taken a girl there before. Also, there was a pretty nice view and I had noticed her slipping her camera in her bag.

I vaguely wondered if I was waiting for her before. But it wasn't any time for all the cheesy shit, considering she hated me.

I turned on music, slowly singing along to "Shoot to Thrill."

"I like this song.", I heard her quite voice.

"Yeah, I like it too."

"You have a nice voice.", she then said, with a faint smile.

"Thanks. Actually, I am working on a small band or so. We need a drummer."

She rose and smiled shyly at me. "I wish I could sing. I guess everyone kind of expected that from me, as my mother is a proper mockingjay."

My eyebrows raised. That was the first relative long thing she had said to me since last night. Her voice was warm.

"And is that why you wish you'd sing?"

"No, singing is quite beautiful."

"It si beautiful.", I agreed.

I remained silent for a few beats. "You're quite beautiful."

Her head rose and her lips moved slightly. I was thinking she'd thank me, or roll her eyes in a not so ladylike style, but she started an urgent cry.

I froze. "Haley?"

My hands almost melted on the wheel and I cursed.

I waited for her to react, but she didn't do anything else, she just snuggled closer next to the car door and hid her face, her body spasming with sobs, a trembling but beautiful figure.

I guess I knew I loved her then.

I pulled over and stopped the car, while she shivered quite questioningly. I opened the front door and climbed in with her.

My arms wrapped automatically around her and, even though she fought back at the beginning, she crawled in my embrace and breathed irregularly.

"Don't think me weak.", she wined.

"Of course I don't.", I murmured, in between kissing her hair.

"I don't want you to think me as a bore, even though I know you do.", she trembled.

"I don't, sweetheart, you actually are fascinating."

"In a freak mode? Freaks are fascinating. But people stay away from them, lock them in cages and starte at them through ivy bars after they had been labeled. "

"You're fascinating in the proper way, Haley. Beautifully. You're far from boring, trust me."

She paused, wiping her tears with her cotton sleeve.

"Look, you make me cheesy.", I joked. She sniffed a laugh.

"Why did you say all those things? Oh, this didn't exactly come out well. I sounds quite stupid, sorry."

"I should be the one to say that to you. I just.. I'm no good for you, I thought if I stayed away.. Gods, aren't we the perfect cliché ? Maybe Nicholas Sparks will write a book about us someday."

"Eww, no. And another cover with a white couple almost kissing. And I am no good for you.", she said breathlessly.

"How so?", I smiled. She was being too cute.

"I'm awkward. Maybe you'll catch the disease too. I heard it was quite contagious."

"I can live with that."

I took her hand in mine and kissed her dingers.

My mouth opened, but it didn't form the words that she probably expected, the words that fit in this 'design.'

"Wait here.", I simply said, instead.

I untangled myself from her and stepped outside. We had stopped next to a wide park, with bushes of flowers surrounding the aisles busily.

I tore a rose and walked back to the car.

No, no a red-stained one, not the declaration of my undying love, as it goes.

White rose.

I handed it to her and she brought it to her lips.

As I started the car, I wondered if she knew that it meant, if she had any acquaintance of the flower language which had obsessed my quite autistic younger self.

White rose.

Heart not used, nor familiar to love.

**Hereeee it goes. I try to update weekly, I hope you find it good enough, even though I'm not that comfortable with it. xx ~snuff.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Guyyys, I'm so sorry for not updating but I've had my exams and they went pretty well so I promise I'll be on time from now on. **

**Oh, and this chapter is a little weird but I liked writing it like this, I've had this idea from a facebook status. Don't judge. xx ~snuff **

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 25**

** -FPOV-**

It was dawn. The light beat down in relentless waves. Smeared make-up, wake of bliss.

As I watched her still features, I played a semi-mental scene in my head. That was me, losing grasp of reality by running in corners of my mind.

**Haley, hush, baby, speak softly.**

**Tell me I'll be sorry because I yelled at you then, let me get closer and push me away.**

**Let me get near you and let me try to touch you, so you can scream at me not to.**

**Start crying and try to run in my arms so I can push you off me.**

**Yell, break, hit and run out of the room so I can follow you like the lost puppy I am and as the gentle mistress that you are.**

**I'm nothing without you, I'm so lost, take me. **

**Tell me how ugly I am, but how you'll always love me.**

**Then shove me, yell and bite your nails in my flesh, imprint yourself on my skin, carve your name into my arm with the sharpness your nails hold back.**

**Stab me with the burning desire your eyes show, bite me with the hatred that only a lover maintains. **

**Tell me our love is crazy, fight me off when I agree, spank my cheek because I laugh, let me take you there, on the coffee table, where we will be sitting, mornings in a row, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee.**

**Scream my name and stir as you always do and then read through my silent shepherd look how much I love you. Smile gently, as you always do, and bury your right cheek in my forearm, a gesture that I find as adorable as arousing it can be, even though I will never be able to tell you that because of the sickness that I have/am.**

**I have always thought that I'd never find someone whose demons play well with mine, and I guess I – well, here you are, looking so serene, so untouched, that my hands feel dirty and murderous.**

**I wonder if I'll ever be able to show you all the despiteful parts of myself, but the truth, Haley, under all my mocking and laughs and winks and kisses, is that I'm scared you'll leave me.**

**I am a lonely, cold being by nature and I apologize for pulling all these unnecessary string between us. Trust is a new form for me.**

**I'm sorry for coming back and not forgetting our late night sex, smoking cigarettes. I tried really hard but I could not forget and I – I knew you wanted me. Even though at the beginning, I guess I was just looking for the fun.**

**I knew you were better off without me but I still turned to you, collapsing at your feet and you sounded so grateful to have me back that my insides tore, bit by bit.**

**I don't know if what we have is love or madness, the semi-mentality of the one who clings desperately to anyone that crosses the path, loving him/herself in the image of the other.**

**I don't know if I'm in love with you because I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, but I tend to believe that this is as close to love that I'll ever get.**

**.I want to thank you for the warmth you proceed to give me, for when we lay there, panting violently, damp hair tangled at the back of our necks and foreheads, for when I hold close your trembling body and I kiss your smile. **

**You must know, I learnt selfishness from my mother and father and galvanized myself with it.**

**You, just like me, actually, ****_we_****, we were both crumpled, trampled, ill-treated, but despite all of those, we found our ways to show each other that we are still worth the same.**

**I know my worth is fable, but I feel warm enough that you decided it deserves your loving. You kissed the life back in me slowly.**

**Also, I want, I have to admit that at the very beginning I had thought that whatever carnal instinct we had stepped into, there was no way of stopping it.**

**I guess my so called statement was what you have the habit of saying 'the half-lit truth'. **

**I got the impossibility of stopping it right, but I underestimated the instinct with the frugal carnality that I was used to.**

**I had been labeled, just like my passed father, "Finnick Odair, the beautiful specimen who cannot love." I believed it, I lived with that tag, I accepted my so called fate, but you pulled me out of it, you gave me yourself.**

**I've never been perfect, but I promise, I can be beautiful like you, too. Don't leave me.**

**I know always sound cold, I know I mock you and pain you, I know I lie, I know, but don't leave me, because.. I am fragile. **

**Finnick Odair is fragile.**

I watched with wonder her stretch in my arms and hid my smile in her hair. I somehow promised myself that at some point I would tell her the previous silent speech.

"You ok?", she asked next to my jaw.

"Yeah."

"You're fluffy.", she giggled and snuggled closer into me.

"Fluffy? Well that sounds manly.", I laughed and pushed her into me, throwing the covers around us.

**I know it's short but I have a long one prepped, pinky promise. I hope it's acceptable at least. xx ~snuff.**


	26. Chapter 26

**N/A: thank you for all the lovely reviews, guys ! I fucking love youuu. **

**Oh,and please read the end note, I find it too long to post it in the beginning,and a lot of people skip it ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 26**

** -FPOV-**

I pulled the car over She turned and regarded me curiously.

"What's this?"

"You'll see. Out,m'lady."

Her eyes gleamed and she stepped out of the car playfully. "Where to, Mr. Odair?"

"Heading to the north, Miss Mellark."

"Aye,aye capt'n."

The petite turquoise dress that she was wearing made her look so innocent, so much like a little girl that I could feel myself swelling for her.I felt ashamed because of my carnal instincts, because I knew she needed someone not like me, who would cherish her for her unstained self. She needed someone normal.

Yes. Normal was good.

Fucked-up wasn't.

I gulped and she stopped her twirling, bringing the short tail of her dress close to her body in a clenched, sweated fist.

"Finn?", she asked joyfully, seeming oblivious to our previous conflicts. Her upper lip unraveled her pearly white and quite perfect teeth,

I shivered, feeling my eyes darken. Judging by her shift of look, she noticed it too.

She stepped closer and started chewing on her lower lip, her eyes wide. I hadn't been completely able to admire the beauty of her green iris before.

She giggled and I watched her predatorily, lingering for her. She got closer and I wanted badly to warn her not to, but then she reached for my hand and clenced it with her soft, caressing fingers.

My heart swelled and Haley rose on her fingertips to kiss my cheek.

"So, what did you want to show me?", she asked gently.

I sighed, somehow wishing I would stop constantly getting signs that she was better than me, the screwed up fucker.

"Come here.", I murmured.

She came at me submissively, and I quickly brushed away my darkened thoughts. For the first time, I felt like it wasn't all just for a good fuck.

I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and she automatically nuzzled closer. I enveloped myself in her warmth and closed my eyes, sniffing the deliciously fresh smell of her hair.

After our relishing moments of completeness, fulfillness, I guided her to the shore. I had stopped the car somewhere close to the part of sea where I had the habit of going to clear my mind and think about my sick selfish actions, where I came to mourn the pieces that were left from my passed father.

Until then, my life had secretively been a going on mourning, filled with darkness and pit-blackness.

That wass who I had always been, a mourner, a pathetic, no self-asteemed mourner. The fucking even put a huge accent on this aspect – who am I kidding, the term 'aspect' is too kind for this, it had became a way of being- of life.

I fucked hard, senseless, and those moments when I was inside, when I gripped their skin and when they bit their nails in my burning flesh, those moments were the close that I ever got to intimacy, that I ever got close to anyone in any other way. Just a rudimental, basic fucking.

It felt like a true relish. It made me feel in control and, Gods, wasn't I! I became a control-freak, I guess it made me feel like I was somebody, like I escaped the label of worthless rat.

But then there was Haley. Sweet, pure, untouched, serene, Haley.

How could I? How could I touch her soul with my dirty hands?

She could, she maybe had, the world at her feet, all the opportunities laid in front of her, waiting to be picked.

And there was I, dirty, screwed-up, scared, lost.

I knew this wasn't that Nicholas Sparks story of the broken and the pure one who come to mend each others' cuts.

I knew we didn't fit.

I knew that mending wasn't going to happen. I knew that in this, whatever the term was,relationship, affection, closeness, warmth, friendship (?), the end would be in equaling the other to the next. I found it hard to believe that the end implied my so called healing, my rose, my enlightening.

I was scared it would end by breaking her, not only her chaste façade, but her mentality, her entwining. I was scared she would become as me, a monster of society, an explicit victim of the Rebellion.

I knew my suppositions were based on fears and my incapability of reaching trust, but was that to any help?

Didn't I destroy, in a fable Midas allegory, everything I touched?

"Finn?", she asked nibbling my ear.

Despite all of my contradictions, her voice drew me to her and I turned, a smile spread on my face instantly.

I grabbed her hand and dragged her quickly to the spare beach.

"Are you in for a go of skinny dipping?", I grinned mischievously.

"No.". Haley giggled and crawled on top of the rocks that crowded the bareness of the beach. Her enthusiasm was more than catchy and I smiled at her sadly, with half blame and an agonistic feeling building up to my throat.

A beautiful and deserving being, wasn't she?

"Oh,Fiiiinnn.", she meowed, jumping back at me and clinging on my right arm. "Can we go with the boat?" She was pointing far in the north, to where it was situated a boat renting.

"Oh,fine. Go on."

Haley almost danced her way there, balancing and lifting her weight from a foot to another. "Oh,Finn. This is so pretty."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, you've always been the sensitive one."

"Mno, I always acted like the happy one."

"How so?"

She frowned and she looked concerned, troubled. "I don't know, I've always been like that. It's quite sad,isn't it?"

"No, it isn't." I looked down to her.

"Sometimes,", I said, sliding my right arm across her shoulders, "people just want to be happy, even if it's not for real. There's nothing condemning in it. It's a primal instinct, I guess. But why would you want to be happy when you could be normal?"

"Well,then.. Do you have a hard time being normal?"

"How poetic that sounds. Yeah, I do. It's like stitching together the, you know, broken pieces."

"Maybe you just need someone to stich them together and let yourself mend."

"Careful there. I've once read that it's dangerous to fix a broken person, for you may cut yourself on their shattered pieces."

She looked up,and in her eyes I found a well-known glint. "What if there's nothing left to be ripped apart?"

My contemplative gaze shifted to her, as if I was truly able to see through her.

"Let's get in.", I murmured quietly, seeming like I was refusing, denying the infirm possibility of her approaching to the limit loss that I thought I had reached.

After paying the sailor, I let her choose the boat. She picked the one named 'Lorelei', and I laughed, telling her that she was my Lorelei.

I watched admiringly the fresh-pink blush that rose to her cheeks and I smiled to myself for the assimilation of the lethal, cat-like nymph that drew fishermen to meet their death in the collision of the beach rocks.

I helped her climb inside and closed my hands around the boat paddles.

I started rowing and ignored her loud creaks of "faster, Finn!"

"Let's talk about books or movies or anything sensitive and creative and formative for our beings.", she then said, dreamingly leaning on a corner of 'Lorelei'.

I grinned. "You're not fast and furious anymore,eh?"

"Right. Faster, Finn!"

"Gee, Haley, leave it to when we are naked and your legs are straddling me."

She tried to push me with her foot and I grinned. "Maybe I'll go so far in the sea that your only left solutions will be suck, fuck or swim.", I smirked.

She laughed hard and leant on her back, crossing her legs gently.

"Don't row anymore. Let's just float.", Haley said,suddenly.

"Your call,miss.", I laughed and let go.

I lit myself a cigarette and leant on my back, fixing her with an almost amused look.

"I want one too.", she said playfully.

"A what?"

"A cigarette.". She held out her hand to me and I regarded her carefully.

"Why?"

"I feel like it. Remember, you made me smoke that first week we met."

"I was an ass."

"You are."

"I know, but you aren't,I'm not giving you any smoke."

"Why?"

I laughed and dragged another smoke and then threw my cigarette away in the calm water. I reached for Haley and my arms enclosed around her. "Finn."

"Haley."

When our eyes met, I could almost drink her like the cure.

**Awww guys thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! I'm just hyperactive, even though I'm not sure about this story so much. Do you guys like it? I mean, yes, from the reviews you do, but like- my way of writing isn't getting too rotten, is it? I'm worried it's getting cliché-ish and hard and harsh. **

**I hope you guys are content with it,tho. Love y'all. xx ~snuff. **


	27. Chapter 27

**N/A: nyaw guys, thanks for all the encouragements, and just to state the obvious, I'm quite insecure and all of those have helped me a lot. I'll try to update faster, I have made a corner of myself for reading&writing&TVshows, I am sick of all of the other shit. : )) **

**Anyways, I forgot to mention in the last ch. the time reference, but I think you've noticed, past-present, past-present. Here ya go; xx ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 27**

** -HPOV-**

***present time***

Heartache.

That was what I had always been afraid of.

And who wasn't? Who cannot remember the place of their first heartbreak, their first shut down, their first eye-shut-world-off?

Of course, I could have been mistaken. I hadn't always been like the others, even though I sometimes wished the pack scent also applied to me. Because, otherwise, the heartache was too harsh, the aches, each one of them, mentally, physically, psychically , took part of the ones that haunted me in the night.

I used to spend nights in a row with my blanket tucked up to my chin. No, no screaming, by definition, I was quite a silent being, kept it all to myself, acted strong in front of my mother, the Mockingjay. Because I was the daughter of the Rebel, wasn't I?

Nights had been a source of torment for me, a source of thought and tears and I had the habit of calming myself by self assuring me that everything would be fine, that, at some point, I would have someone who would hold me and everything would stop being dark and lonely, as cliché-ish as it sounded.

Well, I guess that it was a first, as I got it right.

Since I had first fallen asleep in Finn's arms, we had developed a manner of sleeping, as curled up and as squeezed as we could, tangled one to the other, filling each other with the warmth of a lover.

And that was how we were tangled that day, in our flat in rainy London, hearing the raindrops beating down the window glass, the harsh wind whipping the air.

My head rested on his well-toned abdomen, my hand clenched against his heart, feeling his relaxing and chilling rise and falls of his chest. He was softly caressing my hair with his extremely long and elegant, pianist-like fingers, slowly checking from time to time to see if the covers were well rested around us, around me especially.

It all had an overwhelmingly delicious taste on my desiring tongue, it all was to sweet, like cinnamon. I had the soft feeling that it was all just a chimerical dream, but his caresses reminded me that this, what we had, was real, a well-deserved reality that we had built together, step by step, brick by brick.

"Your hair's pretty.", Finn murmured, kissing the top of my head and burying his face in my golden locks.

"You are pretty.", I giggled silently, rubbing my cheek against his pec.

"Oh, Hals, you make me feel so manly sometimes.", I heard his husky tone.

I giggled and leant in his lips, savoring his big kiss and his tongue rolling against mine.

I smiled in his lips and started chuckling. "Mwhat?", he groaned, rolling our connected bodies so that he was on top, lifting his weight on his elbows so that he wouldn't unease me.

"Mm, don't hold yourself up, let go, I like the pressure.", I whispered in his ear.

Finn chuckled and let go a little bit, somewhat like he was scared not to crush me. I always found it a gesture of his caring, gentleness.

His green gaze pierced through mine and I shivered underneath him. "I used to try to impress you all the time, used to jump whenever you smiled down at me. Used to blush furiously whenever you winked at me playfully or when we made jokes and laughed and your hand brushed mine briefly. Yeah, I'm a weirdo like that.", I confessed, avoiding his handsome eyes.

He rolled over, spread his arms and welcomed me in his embrace. I nuzzled in his neck and started tracing the line of his jaw with soft kisses.

"Yeah? Well, if this is fluffy confession morning – "

"What can I say, tomorrow all the drama and the work begins, doesn't it? But we are free now and in looove aaand .." , I stole another kiss from him and we both chuckled lightly.

"Stop interrupting me.", he grinned, stroking my nose with his. "You know I had a major crush on you, you were my first, I never wanted anyone differently than just for a fuck before. You know you changed me and cured me.", he murmured between kisses.

"Don't you ever go.", he said and his tone alerted. "I let you in and you didn't want out. And followed me even though I warned you you'd get lost. Don't go."

"I won't, don't worry. Don't leave me because I need you so much.", I gasped and caught his lips between mine, running my free hand trough his messy hair.

"Say that you want me because I love you so fucking much.", he whispered back, biting my lower lip and grazing his teeth against the smooth surface of my lips.

"Tell me that you love me because I need you so much.", I moaned.

"Tell me that you need me because I crave for you so much.", he continued, pulling my hair gently.

"Say you'll never leave me because I need you so much.", I cried out when he rammed into me roughly.

"Don't go.", he grunted, thrusting in.

I screamed and my nails bit in his back, my legs straddled his waist, trying to get him deeper, better, feel him more, harder.

"Finn, Finn.", I chanted and he bit my shoulder harshly.

He continued kissing me slowly, smoothly, exploring my mouth with his tongue. His tongue started to massage mine and he rested the weight of his chest on mine, like I had asked him before. I tightly held onto him, trying to feel him completely, seeming the physical interaction brought us even closer emotionally, panting and mulling each other's body after the other one's.

I wrapped my arms in his hair and pulled. He groaned and buried himself deeper inside of him, beginning on a fulfilling and hard pace.

"Look at me.", he panted.

I always kept my eyes closed, because I could never hold his look, it was all too intense and deep for me.

I darted my eyes open and peeked at him through my eyelashes. "Don't leave my eyes.", he said roughly, bringing my chin up with his hand.

Two different shades of green met and merged, dwelled together, and I sank into him, in his scent, in his body, in himself. "Fuck.", he said, letting himself up on his back so that I was on top, his hands sank in my hips and he brought me to him in a hard pace. My hands fell on his shoulders and I brought myself up to meet his shoulders and he gripped my waist firmly and pulled me down onto him.

"You go.", he murmured huskily in my ear and I whimpered, my face red, wanting badly to please him, and myself.

I began moving, gripping onto his shoulders for leverage. It felt deliciously fully and I was so stretched in this position.

"Look at me. I told you not to leave my eyes, Haley.", Finn said softly.

I looked into his eyes and groaned, trying to move deeper and fulfill my groin. He was oh so beautiful, his green eyes dilated with a passionate but oh so loving fire.

"You feel so good, baby girl.", he panted and his voice was a growl that made me squirm. I picked up the pace and began riding him hard, pushing in him and grinding into him.

"Whose are you, sweetheart?", Finn groaned in my ear, pulling my hair roughly this time. His piercing eyes never left mine and I pushed myself up to meet him, moaning as my eyes rolled at the back of my head.

It felt deliciously good to be so close, to feel so close to him right then, knowing his body and his thought were all led to me, were all given to me. It was so sweet, sweet like cinnamon.

_Like a fucking dream I'm living in._

"Even though I adore your arousing mewling, baby, answer the question.", he bit my ear and I cried out, trying to get him closer. His hands gripped my buttocks and it all got too intense for me, I could feel myself building up.

"Say it.", he said, taking control of our rhythmical clasping dance of bodies. He thrusted hard, regarding appreciatively my rising moan.

"Yours.", I managed to croak, bringing my hips desperately to meet his. I needed the release that he granted me, as physically and emotionally as well. My relationship with Finn had developed my assurance that the physical and psychical could tie up together. Before him, I had had the incapability , the handicap of expressing myself through my body, of exteriorizing myself , but he had taught me to learn to love and trust my out self, to fix part of my shattered pieces and come together.

"Whose? I couldn't hear.", he purred and started a pattern of licking, sucking and biting on my exposed neck.

"Yours, fuck, Finn, YOURS." , I yelled, gritting in his flesh with my sharp nails.

"Good.", he said and his hand went down to massage my clit.

I came undone, hard, and he held my damp and shaken body for his own release.

He laid me down on our sheets where the full English like moon had been sweating and buried his head in my neck. My heart swelled and I brought my hands in his black locks, pulling him down to me.

"Mmm, I love you, my cheesy little roommate.", he murmured and rolled over so I could snuggle closer in the safety, protection that his arms provided.

"I love you,too.", I giggled, feeling unusually good and loved.

The quiet before the storm?

It was said there was beauty in every storm. Will it be in ours?

"You know, I was scared before, of touching you.", Finn announced promptly, surprising me as usually.

"How so?"

"Well, look at me. Losing my virginity changed me completely. I became.. there's no word for it, you know that."

"You always go too hard on yourself, Finn. Well, ta-daa. I'm still here for you, same old Haley.", I kissed his neck.

"I like 'same old Haley'. Even though there always are new parts of Haley which I discover and lose and rediscover, new parts and old parts to love."

"Ain't you a cheesy cute pie.", I said giddily, kissing him.

After a few silent moments, I turned to see him. "Finn, you've never told me. How did you lose your V-card?"

"V-card?", he laughed retiringly.

I blushed and hid my face in his forearm, and he kissed me back to looking at him.

"It was a- a friend of my mom's.", Finn said, slowly caressing my arm.

"As in.."

"She was older than me, yes. A few..decades older. I was quite a closed-up kid, I barely talked, I was very attached to my mother as seeing her slowly drifting away had pained me so much, I was freaked out of losing her again. And she was even more freaked out than me, because she had no idea how to handle me. She got her friend over, she used to promote herself as being good with children. I was fifteen, a few months to fifteen actually. She talked to me nicely, she treated me well, but I didn't start opening right away."

He gulped and I ran my fingers down his forearm, as it usually calmed him down. Finn smiled at me gently and went on.

"Well, one day, she had brought me cookies. A few chocolate cupcakes on a tray, she knew very well what I loved. I still didn't talk, just stuffed my mouth with sweets. She started yelling at me out of sudden, later I found out that her husband was pronounced deadly sick that day. She spanked my cheek hard and my eyes widened. I wasn't used to physical pain, I was paralyzed. Then she brought me down to her, and she kissed me hungrily and I felt –wanted. I didn't feel like an useless brat anymore. I answered awkwardly and she started taking off her clothes and – the sick part is, I kind of knew it was wrong. But I was fifteen, a turned on, hormonal, indecisive brat."

I continued caressing him, quite taken back. I was used to his confessions which I learnt to adore, my heart opened for each one of his declarations, I welcomed them with all the heart and love I could hold.

This – was something.

"It's ok, Finn. I get it."

"I know, you always get me. We got close and we didn't lose touch, as I sickly expected. "

A delightful silence fell on us and I laid my head on his chest, as he started playing with my hair. "I cried afterwards, when we were finished. I was looking at her body, I got –disgusted. It's a harsh word, I know .But I did, she looked so helpless, so distressed, so willing to infect others with her pain. I promised myself not to ever cry again. "

"You're brave, Finn. I'm really proud of you."

He looked down gratefully at me.

"I know, sweetheart. Go back to sleep, we have a great day ahead."

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"Depends. Your college life starts, eh?"

I groaned and threw my pillow at him. He chuckled and brought me in another savoring kiss.

**Bam! Longest chapter until now. Lemon-ish. Hope you enjoyed it! And ty for all the lovely reviews !**

**Ohohoh, look what my dear friend drew me, in relation with the other chapter. :33 :: ** . /hphotos-ak-prn1/p480x480/1010579_547345805328555_ 122917994_ **just add **** at the beginning aaaaaand i kno' it takes some time but it's an amazing drawing so please do. :3**

**I hope it works, last time I tried to post one, well shit, didn't really turn out well. : )) xx ~snuff**


	28. Chapter 28

**N/A: Awwwiedawwieawwie,guys, I'm so thrilled with the overall response this is getting, it is MASSIVE! Love y'all so fucking much. Enjoy! [I'm so sorry it took me so much time and it still is short, but I had a fucking LOT to do, I was down emotionally and couldn't bring myself to write here, I wanted it to be perfect and I had no idea and I'm rambling and SORRY!] xx ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 28**

** -FPOV-**

We were back to my place again and I guess I was feeling quite agnostic. I was pacing back and forth, mirroring her pearly laugh in the dark corners of my awaken brain.

I felt myself twitching with want and the frustration of a presumptive rejection. I knew I was being fucking whiny, childish even, majority emotionally unstable, somewhat so uncharacteristic to my behavior.

The thing was, the frugality of my enormous ego had the go. Finnick Odair II was not whiny. Finnick Odair II was not childish.

I hated feeling so familiar to the ones close to my age, driven by the carnal instincts towards a girl; I had never faced it before, I was just going for the fuck, as cliché-ish as it sounded.

Though I had came to the conclusion that I reached the point where the old school cliché was not a bad thing, but an even welcomed one.

Ah, the old drama.

I quickly rose and made my way through the sneaky halls where I used to run around, as a child, and play hide-and-seek with the ones that haunted my nights, the places where I was able to scream right back to my mother's old, consuming nightmares.

I stopped in front of her door and the pulsing image of the throw back of her head in an energic laugh popped in my awaken mind, teasingly detailed, her V-neck, her soft skin, the races, her face, the lilac fumes, her little frame.

But it didn't stop me, I didn't consider knocking, but opened the door widely and my hunger gaze fixed her. She was spread on the bed, her tongue lingering out of her sweet mouth as she contemplated an opened notebook which laid in front of her.

When she finally noticed, her eyes widened surprisingly adorably and her mouth popped a small 'O'.

"Finn?"

I ignored her and walked unsteadily to the bed and grabbed her waist, pulling her harshly against me.

"Finn?", she gasped again, her nails clawing in the back of my neck.

I kissed her on her opened mouth, slowly licking her bottom lip. She meowed and clinged on my hair, pulling herself up to me and I deliciously lingered for the feeling of her breasts pressed against my chest. I pushed her tightly against me, so that our chests were pressed hard one next to the other.

She whimpered while I slowly massaged her tongue with mine, my hands sliding up and down her heavenly body. "You taste like raspberry.", I murmured in her mouth, grinding against her.

Haley giggled. "You taste like strawberries and cherries.", she said, pulling my hair hard for support. I helped her straddle my waist and broke our kiss to start a pattern of licking and sucking on her exposed neck.

"Oh, manly.", I commented and bit her lower base, as she whimpered and squeaked under me.

I fastly pulled down her panties and buried my head between her legs, slowly feeding my Inner beastly God with her juicily sweet moans, squeaks and grunts.

Even though I was getting so hard I thought it seemed like it hurt, I had never felt so satisfied before, bringing her to her climax with every high-pitched moan that passed. She came pulling my hair, in an incoherent chant that made me itch.

I slowly untangled myself from her to watch the way her damp hair framed her sweated forehead, the way her curls fell in circles down her breasts, the way her mouth was slightly opened to unravel her pearly white teeth, the way she desperately tried to steady her alert breath.

When she looked at me, he smiled at me with a reassuring but unfamiliar smile that tattooed to the back of my skull.

What the fuck was I doing? Staining her with my pain?

She really was pure, all my teases and jokes had always had no base and we both knew it was just my weak defense to her chaste façade that I seemed to mock, but truly admired. I badly wanted her, but no, I couldn't.

Losing my virginity changed not only my perspective, but my way of living, I became what my father was thought of, that tag they all labeled me, the beautiful specimen who had no knowledge of love, of attachment, everything was just a fuck, a calmative, a drug to the pain not only the war, but I brought to myself.

I knew my father would have despised me, but all the girls/women that I screwed, all the hearts I didn't mend, all the love I taught to rest, were my way of fighting back, my way of defying my dead father and the rebellion that crazed my already disturbed mother and put my old man to grave.

But I didn't need the pure, sweet Haley, how I saw her, to be pulled down with me, the subdued, shy Haley to meet her downfall because of the scars of the son of the man who died for her mother, me.

At some point, before our meeting, I did consider a small amount of hatred that I could keep for her, as she had all I didn't. My father died for hers, for the 'Mockingjay', I imagined her as the happily perfect kid with anything in the world that she ever craved for.

But then I met her and my uncalled and untraced feeling fell in shame and disownment. They crawled up on her bed, too, they wrapped their shaky, long fingers around her neck, the threaten of a mental slaughter.

I couldn't.

I pulled up from her and she looked at me surprised.

"I'm sorry.", I murmured. "It was a mistake, I have to – go. "

Her hurt and rejected look imprinted on the farthest corners of my mind.

"Go then.", she almost spat, her eyes filling softly with tears.

I wanted to stop and hold her, but I rose and paced out of the room in a constant rhythm, hardly hearing how she slammed the door behind me.

I sighed, faintly disturbed by the high ringing of my cell.

"Hey,Marina..Yeah, I can be at yours at 8.."

* * *

I slammed into Marina the whole night, ramming my frustrations, pains and cries in her tight body, climaxing and starting all over again, hiding sweated my tears in drops of perspiration.

**Bam! Ik it's short, hope you liked it tho. Love y'all and I SWEAR I'll try to update faster next time. xx ~snuff.**


	29. Chapter 29

**N/A: I know this chapter is kind of weak, but here ya ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 29**

**-HPOV-**

***present time***

Bzzz. Bzzz.

I grunted, my head swirled.

Bzzz. Bzzz.

I slowly untangled my body from Finn's and tried to reach with my right hand the alarm clock that was going tormentingly slow, on and on, on and on.

Bzzz. Bzzz.

"Damn it.", I muttered under my breath and picked myself up from the floor, as my body had made a pretty nice collision with it.

My fingers traced clumsily the surface of my target and I could hear Finn shift and stir in the half-empty sheets. I finally pressed the heavenly button and let myself fall back in bed, being welcomed instantly by Finn's forearm which straddled my waist.

I ran my nails along his warm skin, smiling absently to myself and fixing my shifted gaze to his adorable asleep features.

I decided to let him sleep as long as he afforded, contemplating his half smile, his extremely long eyelashes that quite caressed his cheeks, running my other hand through his messy sex hair.

It was a perfectly fulfilling silence that chilled my insides and my outs, tying my highest highs and my lowest lows together in a sweet harmony that I had never believed to be true until Finn had taught me how to learn, how to massage my heart with his.

I waited another ten minutes, my heart beating anxious because of the day that I –we- were both facing. College. The first day of college.

I was going to study Universal Literature, which, in theory, wouldn't raise any problems to me, at least. I didn't get into this just because I liked reading, but I did have a faint idea of what I was going to do in the years that followed; my habit of writing could be fixed, accentuated, my relationship with forms of literature, art and books would be modulated and prefunded, would achieve the ideal form.

I knew that I would feel then complete, maybe even worthy of Finn's love and affection, of his hardcore loving, of anybody's credits or of any random compliments I would receive. Because, in that moment, compliments made me feel like I was being lied to.

College. Cup of joy, huh?

"Finn, wake up. We need to go, honey, it's kinda late.", I blew sweet air in his ear.

His answer was a guttural grunt and I was pulled under the covers and I was trapped under the weight of his well-built body. He slowly nuzzled in the crook of my neck and I smiled and started playing with his black curls.

"Make me.", he chuckled and bit my earlobe, hard.

"Finn, don't. It's our first day, it has to be at least acceptable. It doesn't start too well if we both start facing it two hours from now.", I half-pleaded, my tone quite pathetic, being aware that his playfulness could turn into a bitter cruelness at some point.

He rose his chin to regard me carefully, a smirk curling on his lips.

His smirk widened and he went down slowly until our foreheads met. He placed a chaste kiss on my open mouth and pulled away, jumping out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

"You're such a tease.", I announced and was followed by his electric laugh around the quite large rooms of our - OUR ! – apartment.

I brushed my hair agonizingly slow, driven by a crazed desire of everything to at least appear to be perfect. I went on for the a more likely classic look, not knowing what was I supposed to look like or if I was supposed to look in a certain way.

"You look like a sexy secretary.", Finn commented, wearing, as usual, his worn out jeans, casual T-shirt. I felt quite proud because he was so easy-going and accessible. He somehow also made it easier for me because I knew I could rely on him for the 'light me up' process that was disturbing only by its existence.

"Are you trying to hook up with the professor or with an established soon to be writer or editor?", he continued.

"Maybe I am.", I smiled. "Are you trying to fuck a soon to be Victoria's Secrets Model with long blonde perfect hair and perfect skin?"

"You do have perfect hair and perfect skin.", he said with a familiar warm smile.

I rolled my eyes. "There's no time for a quick fuck, so quit it."

"Why,", he started, his hands clasping my buttocks through the tight pencil skirt, "you're off to find a wannabe editor who would have all the connections you need to establish yourself in the bestsellers list?"

His smile was playful, but his eyes had a hint of faint mocking, a typical bitterness that Finn had the habit of presenting.

"Finn, what the hell?", I asked, my eyes narrowed.

He smiled rather sadly. "We both know I'm not good enough for you. I'm trying, Haley, I'm trying to modulate myself around you, around your tastes, around your sweetness, but I can't give you all that you deserve, and someone else could. I – "

"I thought we passed our insecurities, Finn.", I murmured, cupping his face with both of my hands.

"Did we now?"

I buried my face in his hair. "I guess not."

"But what is life without them?", I went on.

He sighed and kissed my forehead." Need a ride?"

"No, you're on due too, I'll just grab a cab.", I murmured, leaning in for a kiss.

"Mkay.", he said, seeming a bit unsure.

I grabbed my bag where I had stuffed effortlessly the notebooks that I kept for scribbling and taking notes and took a deep breath. The thought that this was _my_ thing chilled my anxious thrills.

Books, my thing was books.

It would be alright.

I quickly gave Finn a peck on the cheek, Finn who was chewing on a butter stretched toast. His goodbye sign was a firm spank on my ass and I couldn't help but notice how adorably concentrated he was. I blew him a kiss and vanished on the door, my hair waving a quiet goodbye.

Finn had already called a cab for me so I hopped in, leaning on the taxi window and regarding the busy city life. I wished I had my camera at me, to snap and immortalize moments, laughs, cries, people being people, drunken hearts, exteriorizing and interiorizing.

Quite beautiful, actually.

The ride took only 15 minutes and I stepped out in the fresh breeze, the light, clean, neat smell of rain invading my nostrils.

College.

The beginning of the adulthood breaking my bones.

**N/A: Whaddya think? Up to any good? xx ~snuff.**


	30. Chapter 30

**BAM GUYS. Sorry for the delay. ~snuff.**

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter 30**

** -HPOV-**

I sighed, trying to continue my lame, obvious and quite deliberate estate of completely ignoring Finn's existence. He repeatedly tried to start some decent, random and filling conversation, but I rejected each one of his attempts, inhaling air and chewing on my bottom lip to prevent me from letting out any sounds of faint encouragement.

I knew he would soon get tired of my attitude, as I got tired with his ill-treating-stomp-to-feet one.

Maybe I had been led astray, as in a narcotic side of my mind.

I realized that our only fulfilling moments, lively even, were our fights. Every hiss, every hateful look that was thrown, each one of our aching words strived through flesh and burned through thought, and that were the only times when we felt right.

Even jokes felt a little too pushed, our laughs felt surreal, our kisses seemed to be strawberry vines. Our tastes always begged to differ, our ideas collided in such a non harmonious way that it dwelled me within and I stirred with him and for him.

It killed me inside that I could not close the distance between us, but there were so many factors that I hadn't been aware of since the very beginning.

I hadn't considered his style of life, which was oh-so-different of mine, I hadn't considered my downsides and my lows, his discouragements and his expectations from me of something/someone I wasn't nor could be.

"Maybe we should stop with this shitty attitude, shouldn't we, now?", Finn murmured, caressing my cheek with his index finger.

I shrugged and didn't turn to meet his gaze.

"Should I be saying 'sorry'?"

"No. You don't have to say something you don't mean."

"Well, I'm glad I pulled out of you more than a couple of random thrown out words."

I pursed my lips in a thin line, feeling my head dizzy from some kind of sickness I wasn't aware of. I guess my insecurities stretched out in another way of reacting towards people, especially him, maybe because of the enormity that his word mattered to me.

Was that kind of sick? I hung too much onto him, I saw in him my fucking opportunity of lighting myself up, of mirroring myself in another, of both loving myself and loving the other in the image of the 'partner', or whatever the word for him was. Or just Finn.

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry?", I murmured, trying to focus my attention on the TV screen where there was being played 'Cold Mountain'. I had insisted to watch it, even though I had to close my eyes shut and try not to whimper every time a merciless killing occurred.

It reminded me of mom's nightmares, of the arena.

"Are you?"

"Do I have what for?", I snapped, narrowing my eyes and reminding myself of Marina's acid mocking look from the morning, when she passed by to give Finn back his shirt.

He chuckled and wrapped his right arm around my shoulders but I shuddered it away.

Finn sighed and dropped his arm on the couch, next to me, caressing his upper lip with his index finger. I was quite startled, but managed to keep my eyes locked on the screen. I made a vague comment upon Nicole Kidman in my mind, but didn't bring myself to say it, as I knew I couldn't handle his maybe roughness , or his lively eyes once again.

"I know I'm an ass.", he murmured.

"You are."

"You know I'm no good for you, it's probably better if I just let go."

"Would it be now?"

"You know it would."

I couldn't even imagine the pain, so I just nodded, gulping.

"I don't do the girlfriend thing.", he continued.

"I never said I was looking for a relationship."

That seemed to surprise him, as his pupils dilated.

"Then what are you looking for?"

" Just someone who could dwell with me, I don't know. God, I don't see the point in this conversation, can we stop now? There's like the 10th pal that died within the last 5 minutes and I have no idea why or how. At least let me shed some tears for 'em."

"I don't like you crying out of nothing, really now."

"I can't help it.", I half hissed.

"Don't go all bitchy with me.", he laughed. "Even though it's quite thrilling, I've never seen you like this before. Actually, go on, entertain me."

"Oh, screw you.", I couldn't help but laugh and he was quick to nuzzle in the crook of my neck. Our fingers tangled together and I closed my eyes, enjoying the delight that his tracing finger provided.

"I'm sorry, I really am.", he murmured against my skin. "Sometimes I think I'm an asshole on purpose with you because I'm constantly trying to show you that we won't make it together. It's like a delusional fight with mood swaps with flashbacks and what I want, but what I should get."

"Well, your mood swaps do delusion me. What is it that you want?"

"Is that rhetorical?", Finn smiled quite sadly and I remained silent.

"I tried to be a better me for you, I hate depreciation. Of any sorts. It's questionable and I hate that, I'd prefer hatred, I think. Hatred at least is straight, not like love or other bullshits."

"And when did you stop?"

"I didn't. That's the thing. You make me question myself. I kinda hate that too."

He laughed and leaned back on the couch, quite thoughtfully.

"Well, y'know what I'd hate? To come to the conclusion that you, all in all, hate me.", he remarked playfully, but his brow was arched worryingly.

"I-I don't think that's an option.", I smiled, looking down and started to play with the mattress.

"I'm glad.", he mouthed and leaned for a kiss.

I closed my eyes, as if stroke by pain, but his lips didn't come to comfort my growing grudge towards myself.

"We could try, you know.. but I don't promise anything.", I heard his warm voice. His features didn't show so much relaxation as his voice provided, seeming obviously troubled. Maybe it was wrong, maybe he indeed was bad to the bone and sick as a dog, as he hadn't stopped of reminding me.

God, wasn't he wrong, but he brought so much rightness to my dullness.

_You say you treat 'em mean to keep 'em – you're not that nice._

"I like you a lot.", I murmured, feeling an embarrassing shade of pink raising to my cheeks.

He crooked his head to the left with the shadow of a hallow smile on his malt liquor lips.

"We could just stay like this, though.", I whispered.

"Like what?", he got closer to me, his lips slightly parted and his eyes burning, darkened.

Maybe that was the kind of darkness that healed.

"Just you and me. With our philosophic midnight talks, with you teases, my worries, your 'mon amour, je sais que tu m'aimes aussi' ", I stopped because his laugh and the 'I can't believe your remember that' shook the couch, "-and, well, you got it. Our highs and lows, we don't need a term as 'relationship', do we now?"

He seemed thoughtful for a moment and then a big grin settled on his face. "So, no strings attached?"

"Kinda.", I frowned.

"So..you wouldn't mind if I, let's say, would occasionally expend my tastes and experience with other.."

"FINN!"

He laughed heartily and his arms locked around me, trying to push me back down in his embrace, as I had rose and wanted to reach for the pillow that laid on the floor to hit his head with it.

He placed a kiss on my right cheek. "You're right, we can stay like this. And I can help you, I will. And you can help me moderate my thrills. We can save each other.", he said as a matter of fact.

I didn't answer, but I felt my heart beat fasten.

"You'll love it when I'm done with you.",he continued.

"_If.", _he added amused, after a big pause.

I remained silent, my mind spinning, Finn was again messing with my head and I was indirectly telling him to keep going.

It was a promise, I knew it even then. It was an assurance that he wouldn't leave me, at least for a quite long matter of time, considering my stubbornness, my self-loathing, his vital and lively personality that crushed mine in a harsh collision which I learned to love.

I hung onto it with the weakness I was provided with.

"Damn you.", I laughed.

We kissed with a sweetness which reminded me of cinnamon.

**I know, I know, it's really late but I love y'all. :3 ~snuff.**


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